Cafe Asteria

I am my daughter's father.

2008-12-15T07:12:00.005-06:00

That's me on the right, circa 1978. Allison's shot is from a month or two back.

Take that, mailman!

Good news and (kinda) bad news.

2008-08-26T19:29:00.004-05:00

Bad news first. If you haven't heard, my scrappy little VW Golf was rear-ended at high speed the other day, with me inside. I was waiting for a turn arrow on Lakeshore Drive when a guy clipped my rear-right corner and ripped the wheel off the axle.

It's only "kinda bad news" because of three things. 1. I wasn't hurt, other than a little soreness for a few days. 2. Neither Karen nor the baby was in the car. 3. I wanted a new car anyway.

Insurance has promptly totaled the VW and cut me a check for almost exactly what I bought the car for a few years back. (Well, it'll be equal once I get my $1,000 deductible back in a few months.) Now I get to go car shopping. Thinking a larger hatchback or a smaller SUV like Karen's Honda CRV. Let me know if you hear about anything.

The good news is, I've got a new job. A month or so back, my boss and I started getting serious about planning a full-time social media gig for me, and now it's culminated in the creation of our first-ever Social Media Strategist.

I'll still be doing quite a bit of writing, but I'll also be planning ways for the agency and our clients to better use emerging technologies and trends like mobile applications, social networking, micro-blogging and so on. To avoid boring most of you, I'll leave that stuff to my other blog.

New day care, new blog, new big-ass shed.

2008-08-16T07:16:00.006-05:00

With my usual apologies for a dearth of updates here, I wanted to fill you guys in on a few things that have been going on around the Griner household:

1. Allison finally got into a great day care. She's now in the new infant room at a local Catholic church, which we were amazingly impressed with when we toured it several months back.

After our previous run-ins with bad day care, it's nice to have a place that's so attentive to her. But we do think it's strange that they've called us twice with concerns about her health: once because she was sleeping too much, and once because she wasn't peeing. I'm waiting for the panicked call where they tell us her poop smells entirely too good.

2. As you might know, I've started a new blog for work. It's dedicated to all things social media (blogs, social networks, messaging, etc.). I don't know if you'll enjoy it as a normal human who's not into marketing or the evolving Web, but I'm trying to write it in a conversational tone anyway. And every Friday I feature a "Cool Tool of the Week" that you might actually find useful.

3. We're almost done with the large garden shed in our back yard. I can't imagine how long it would have taken without the intense help of several friends and, most notably, my wonderful parents. They all even came over and got much of the work done while we were out of town visiting Karen's family. Thanks again to everyone who pitched in; the shed's going to make a big difference in our storage situation.

Here's a shot of the shed as it is now:

You can see a whole gallery of the construction on our Flickr page.

As I said, we're "almost done." Really the only major tasks left are getting rid of the extra construction materials and painting the exterior (once the Alabama summer humidity dies down a bit).

Right now we're thinking the shed will be a pale yellow. But if you want to stump for chartreuse or something, now's your chance.

Remembering the man who created my career.

2008-06-22T16:13:00.006-05:00

On the last days of my sophomore year at Missouri, the job situation was bleak. As a freshman, I had defied expectations and landed a fantastic yet grueling internship at the Birmingham Post-Herald. Unfortunately, this left me cocky in my internship hunt for the next summer. I only applied at larger daily newspapers, none of which seemed to be biting. Time was running out.

So I called New Directions for News, a think tank based at the Missouri School of Journalism. The man who answered was Rich Somerville, who invited me to come by "and see if we like each other." Instead of talking about my anemic resume or my qualifications to be a research assistant, we simply chatted about where journalism was headed. I was struck that such a veteran of the industry was treating a long-haired 19-year-old as a peer and truly listening to what I had to say.

It was the first of countless conversations I had with Rich, who hired me on the spot and soon became not only my summer employer but also my professional mentor and close friend. We would work together at four very different places over the next decade, and each time, Rich would be a constant source of inspiration and guidance.

Rich died of a heart attack a week ago at his home in Eureka, Calif. He was only 61.

I've always had a hard time explaining Rich's role in my life, because it surely must have been a rare relationship. In college, I lacked the initiative or obsequiousness to cultivate a professor as a mentor. In fact, I doubt more than one or two professors would even remember me by name. But Rich was always up for getting a cup of coffee and talking about the industry's future, along with more practical issues like my quest for employment.

Senior year, I was managing editor of The Maneater student paper when we decided to depose our longtime faculty adviser. I convinced Rich to step in, and he quickly proved a perfect example of what an adviser for the independent newspaper could be -- hands-off, but motivational and accessible.

Finishing his doctoral work (but, sadly, never his dissertation), Rich moved on after that year. So did I, becoming a reporter at The Journal Gazette in Fort Wayne, Ind. Three years later, as I was considering my next career move, Rich persuaded me to move all the way to Northern California and become city editor at The Union newspaper, where he was editor.

What followed were several rewarding, often-challenging years of working with Rich to grow readership at an established community paper. While innovative and passionate, Rich would be the first to admit he had his weak spots. His emotional connection to the work was known to spark a few outbursts and create friction with some longtime staffers. But those of us who stuck with Rich learned a great deal about where journalism was headed -- and what obstacles might keep the newspaper industry from getting there.

After a few more years, Rich left the paper. He was frustrated with the industry but also hopeful, so he started a newspaper consulting firm called Media Foresight Associates. For a while, Rich was the sole employee and had good success with his first round of clients. In fact, the consulting proved so fruitful, he hired me to join the firm in late 2005. I had moved back to Alabama and was trying to decide on my next career move.

Consulting alongside Rich was enjoyable and rewarding, mainly because his stress level was so much lower than during his years in newspapers. But before I could work with him for very long, I was hired to my current job as a copywriter. (I feared calling Rich to tell him I was going into advertising. His response, one of my favorite Rich moments, was: "At least it's not PR.")

Soon after, Rich was convinced by media mogul Dean Singleton to take the helm of the Times-Standard newspaper in Eureka, Calif. A bit hesitant to give up the relative ease of his consulting gig, Rich was finally won over by his own competitive spirit and love for community journalism. He had simply missed it too much to say no.

We kept up, of course, exchanging e-mails and having occasional phone conversations about his progress. A few weeks ago, we even talked by e-mail about his hopes of hiring a photographer friend of mine. So it was obviously a sudden blow to find out about his death on Monday of last week. It's painful on levels that I think will only be shown over time, as I find myself wishing I could call him to ask for advice or gossip about media infighting.

Working with Rich's brother, I'm excited to say that we've created The Richard Somerville Memorial Scholarship at the Missouri School of Journalism. We've set a daunting goal -- a $25,000 minimum is required to make it an endowed scholarship -- but even that ambitious of a task is less than I owe Rich for his time, his support and his friendship. The world is a poorer place without Rich in it, and although he boosted my confidence and skills to new levels, his death still leaves me with a void that no one else could ever fill.

"Is that a bloodstain on her bib?" "No, it's just feces." "Oh OK...wait what?" (aka, How Allison got pulled from day care)

2008-06-05T19:04:00.001-05:00

For months now, I've been tremendously unhappy with our day care. We liked it when we toured back in the pregnancy days, but things were bad by the time we started dropping the girl off.

As of this week, we're done with the place. (There was much debate among my Internet-savvy friends about whether I should name the day care here...for the moment, I favor not doing it in hopes they'll improve. But I will say it's near the intersection of Alford Avenue and Interstate 65.)

Anyway, back to the story:

In recent weeks, Karen kept saying that things were great when she picked the baby up each afternoon. But when I was dropping her off in the mornings, it was like playing a game of "Find the Violation."

A few highlights, so that you don't think I'm being persnickety:

1. At first, despite asking, we got no report cards on when she was eating, napping, pooping, etc. Then, after multiple requests, we started getting incomplete cards. (She ate once today! And never got changed, apparently! Unlikely.) Eventually, after much grousing, they started giving us decent reports.

2. At least three times, I found one teacher in a room with 8 or more babies. Once as many as 10. The state doesn't allow you to have more than 5 per teacher. I once insisted on staying in the room until someone else showed. It wasn't long, but that was an awkward minute or two. One time, they even left Karen BY HERSELF with the babies. Hoo dog. This whole thing was merely laziness and poor organization...there was always plenty of staff to oversee the kids.

3. They keep no record of giving her medicine, like gas drops. Once, they plain forgot to give her Tylenol when she had a fever from vaccinations. That's really bad. They got defensive with Karen, blamed her for not telling them, then eventually admitted that they had just forgotten.

4. One morning, the state inspector was walking up to the door while I was there. What ensued was no less than a full-on freakout. Staff screaming, panicking, running around in terror, making me fill out forms I had already filled out, admitting they didn't know where to keep the forms, etc. But they apparently passed the inspection OK. The place was generally clean. I'll give them that.

There were other small things, like the fact that I've never seen anyone smile in that entire building, but I'll skip to Monday's story.

Karen went home sick, so I went to pick up Allison for the first time ever. It seemed fine; two teachers were watching two babies, Ally was happy, etc.

But then the teacher went to change her diaper one last time, and I noticed that there was a dark red stain on her bib and on her outfit. This was especially freaky because Ally doesn't eat anything but formula yet.

I asked if it was blood, and the teacher said, "No, she had a really big bowel movement today. It was everywhere."

It took a while for my brain to process this. Not blood: good. But wait, that means there was feces next to my kid's chin for a few hours? And that was cool?

To be honest, I didn't know what to do, so I just took her home and told Karen. We both agreed it was preposterous and called the assistant director. (We had never seen the director on site.) The woman got defensive, kept telling me it couldn't have been poop. She also kept calling Allison "he," which didn't go over well with Karen.

Finally, they called back and said that someone had "spilled sauce" on her, and they had forgotten. I'll admit that's better than feces or blood, but why was someone pouring sauce over my baby? Were they wheeling her around in a hot dog cart?

They gave us no apology and no real reason to ever bring the baby back, so we quickly called another nearby day care and snagged a spot for the next day. It's not great...but tremendously better in terms of people skills.

I had a long talk with the director on Tuesday, and it's mainly because of her profuse apologies and promises to "address every concern" that I didn't name them here. She's also supposedly refunding out payment for this week.

This is already a rambling post, but let me finish with a few tips for those who might be looking for a day care someday:

1. Pay more attention to the people than the facility. Both are important, but we made the key error of picking the more-organized place with the crappier staff.

2. Face the fact that affordability has its price. The truly good day cares seemed outside our price range, so we settled for one that was "meh" at best. Since then, we've just focused hard on juggling the budget to meet the reality that we're going to have to shell out big bucks for a place that will actually treat our kid the way we would.

3. Get on a waiting list early. I know everyone says this, and a long waiting list does not a great day care make. But if the place doesn't have any waiting list, there's very likely a reason.

I laugh about a lot of this stuff now, but the truth is that this situation has been a massive, almost crushing source of stress for me. Looking back at this list of warning signs, I keep thinking I should have yanked her earlier. But all I can do now is hope that I learned an important lesson with little more harm than a vaguely blood-looking sauce stain.

Uncertain about your career path? Maybe that's a good thing.

2008-06-04T07:55:00.003-05:00

I have a lot to write about on here as soon as I eke out a few minutes. For now, just enjoy this nice little video, which captures something I've been grappling with ever since switching careers.

Sometimes I worry that I don't have a career path in mind, a certain set of promotions I'd like to aim for. I like writing. Hell, I love it. I feel like my current job has been more than fun; I think it's opened my mind to a whole new range of ways I can use writing personally and professionally.

Who'd have thought you'd get that from writing bank fliers and tourism ads?

Anyway, more baby news and other pontificating coming soon.

A word that exists solely to be a word that doesn't exist.

2008-05-06T10:18:00.003-05:00

Few updates lately, I know. Work, parenthood and a back-straining stint of yardwork have been keeping me pretty busy.

But I felt I needed to make time to post about this:

One of my recent forays into the wilds of Wikipedia recently unearthed a gem of a word.

Esquivalience.

The ho-hum definition is "the willful avoidance of one's official responsibilities."

But according to Wikipedia, this word "is a fictitious entry in the New Oxford American Dictionary (NOAD), which was designed and included to protect copyright of the publication."

That's right. A fake word, made up solely to prevent copycat references from swiping all the definitions off the New Oxford's CD-ROM.

And it worked. Dictionary.com reportedly fell for the trap and included the word before being outed.

This reminded me of my family's decades-long argument over whether Trivial Pursuit includes a few fake answers for the same reason. (Mom cited this just about every time she was wrong.)

But lo, it turns out we've had it backward. Trivial Pursuit actually got busted for stealing intentionally incorrect answers from other sources.

I would hope that the Trivial Pursuit researchers behind those gaffes were promptly fired for blatant esquivalience.

Karen's pregnancy, in less than a minute.

2008-04-13T19:27:00.002-05:00

How and why I got interviewed by ABC News.

2008-04-11T16:52:00.004-05:00

Yesterday, I got an e-mail from Tim, the AdFreak editor, saying that ABC News was trying to find me. To truly understand the humor of this, you need to picture me reading this e-mail while at home on paternity leave, wearing pajamas, unshaven and generally unkempt.

Luckily, the reporter just wanted to do a phone interview about "Rick Rolling," the Internet prank I wrote about in AdFreak last July. As many of you likely saw, Rick Rolling got a renewed boost in popularity on April Fool's. (My personal favorite was the Muppets version.)

So I gave a quick phone interview, and the story came out today. (Click to Page 2, where you'll find my quotes.)

I doubt this will mark the beginning of my career as an Internet pundit, but you never know. Maybe I'll get interviewed about that footage of the chick seeing a ghost in her dorm shower.

Still not sure how I get paid to do this stuff...

2008-04-11T12:28:00.002-05:00

We've just launched an agency promotion that I had a blast working on, so I wanted to share some of the stuff.

A few months back, we had a meeting to brainstorm ways we could promote the fact that we hired a new interactive chief. I pitched the idea of making Web videos that parodied bad-lawyer ads. Everyone else liked the idea, so I wrote up some scripts.

Here's the result, though I'll admit that some of the best lines were ad-libbed.

You can check out the full site here, and I've also been writing an in-character Twitter feed.

Hope you enjoy! The reactions so far seem pretty positive. Here's one writeup, and here's another (admittedly from the blog I write for, but still).

If you'd like to help pass the videos and site around, I'll make sure you have the people's fame and ovation forever.

Incoming!

2008-04-03T07:32:00.000-05:00

Griner's guide to useful newborn swag

2008-03-26T12:02:00.005-05:00

I've been meaning to blog about the stuff that really paid off during our first few weeks of parenthood. So here goes. Hopefully it will prove to be of use to future first-timers like us.

Vital: Swaddling blankets, regular and velcro.

Babies either love or hate swaddling. You'll know pretty quick. Ours is a lover. When she's fussy, nothing beats a tight swaddle. I think it's been the single biggest factor in Allison sleeping exceptionally well each night. (We usually have to wake her for the 2 a.m. feeding.)

There are tons of diagrams and videos out there to teach you swaddling, but I recommend asking the nurse or pediatrician once your newborn is actually out. Ask about "double swaddling" with two blankets. It can't be beat.

There are velcro swaddling blankets/sacks that are nice and highly recommended, but they'll never be as tight as a fine hand-rolled baby cigar. Remember, no swaddle is too tight, but it CAN be too loose (which poses a smother hazard).

Vital: Mylicon (but go dye-free and generic)

We call this anti-gas medicine "liquid diamonds," not so much because of its value as the fact that it only comes in teeny tiny bottles that last about two days. Honestly, I have no idea how effective it is, but gas is a huge problem for newborns, and our doctor said it's safe to give the baby Mylicon with every meal (and double at the last feeding of the night).

Try to find the generic version, and definitely get "dye-free." Otherwise, you'll be paying a lot and enjoying pink stains on everything you own.

Vital: Lots of pacifiers.

Just get a bunch. More than you think you'll need. Ditto for bottles, but we'll get to that.

Great: Diaper Champ

Simple design, and slightly less eco-disastrous than the Diaper Genie (which wraps each diaper in its own sack). As far as turd buckets go, I've been very happy with this one.

Great: Crib-side entertainment

Ours is a battery-powered jungle scene that lights up and plays music when you hit the button. (Amazon tells me it's called a "Fisher-Price Rainforest Peek-A-Boo Waterfall Soother." Vomit.)

It only runs for a few minutes, which is usually enough to knock the kid out. And I have to say, the music really doesn't bother me ... even after dozens of listens.

Great: A bassinet/cradle

We have a small house, but it's still been nice having the small cradle/bassinet that my dad built way back in history for my oldest sister. It has since held just about every baby in my family, and there's nothing better for easy baby stationing outside the nursery. As you can see in the picture, we even pimped ours out with an undercarriage black light. Just kidding. You'll only get to enjoy that upgrade if your baby has "teh jaundice."

That said, the kid doesn't really move around, so a laundry basket or dresser drawer (removed from the dresser, please) will do just fine.

Great: Dr. Brown's bottles (but hand-wash em)

If you're going bottle, this is the way to go. Easy to use and vaguely easy to clean.

Big caveat: Their clear bottles have been found to leach BPA, pleasantly described as "a hormone-disrupting chemical" that's been linked to premature puberty and cancer in lab animals. We had already bought ours when that study came out, so we're just careful about hand-washing the bottles themselves and using the dishwasher for the nipples and such.

There's supposedly a non-BPA model coming out, and there's also glass bottles if you don't mind the potential of your baby smashing it on the side of the crib and starting a bar brawl. (Karen has an awesome scar on her knee that has generally prevented us from seriously considering glass.)

Debatably great: Video monitor

Karen loves this thing because it provides immediate release for new-mom paranoid fears like "is my immobile baby still in the crib?" or "has someone replaced my baby with a big jar of Folgers crystals?"

I like that the monitor helps Karen relax, but I find it to be pretty pointless. Our house is very small, and I can hear Allison just fine from anywhere short of the backyard utility easement. Of course, if you have one of them fancy big houses with multiple floors and walls that actually inhibit sound, you'll probably want a video monitor.

Downside: You'll inevitably have nightmares about seeing zombies in the monitor. Or, if you click on the image above, you will now.

My favorite/most useful books: Happiest Baby on the Block, On Becoming BabyWise and Be Prepared: A Practical Handbook for New Dads.

We read quite a few books. You'll likely end up with most of the standards, but be sure to pick up the three I listed above. Happiest Baby teaches you how to calm a screaming kid. BabyWise teaches you a very successful sleep/eat schedule. Be Prepared is mostly just entertaining for dads, but it has some tremendously helpful advice (like the fact that it's OK to feel no emotional connection whatsoever when you're staring at your newborn).

Well, I hope all that helps someone out there. Maybe I'll do an update in a few months when I figure out what's worthwhile for toddlers. Oh, and of course you should all feel free to post your own findings and suggestions in the comments section.

Another victim of Prog Rock vandalism.

2008-03-17T13:01:00.003-05:00

Hope to have some photos soon from the great tree split-o-thon of 2008, an event which is taking its toll on almost every muscle in my body. But until then, here's something I meant to post a while back.

When I came back after being out of the office for Allison's birth, I found that my four framed vinyl records had been stolen and maliciously replaced:

In case you can't see it well, that's two Rush albums alongside ones from King Crimson and Yes, all of which are practitioners of the worst music genre ever.

Luckily, the culprit stepped forward later that day, and the stench of Stephen King's playlist is now out of my office for good.

Whew.

Please don't put some sugar in my bowl.

2008-03-05T10:57:00.003-06:00

My sister Kim recently laid down an awesome rule in her house. After one of my nephews was having attention problems in morning classes, a teacher suggested dialing back his sugar intake.

Kim took the bold and commendable approach of limiting their household to only buying cereals that have less than 11 grams of sugar per serving. Where'd she get the number? She admits it's just an arbitrary amount that seemed to be a dividing line between the healthier and overly sweetened cereals.

It seems like this approach is working wonders for her family. The boys are more settled, and attention in school has apparently increased. But perhaps more importantly, she's made them part of the solution by sending them on grocery-store scavenger hunts to pick cereals that are below the 11 gram mark.

Finding one of these cereals is harder than you'd think. As soon as Kim told me about the new rule, I went over and checked our cupboard. We mostly buy high-fiber cereals with clusters and flax and what the hell ever. Because, you know, we're old. But sure enough, almost all the stuff in our cabinet was at or above 11 grams.

Only Rice Chex (a personal favorite of mine) passed the test. It has 2 grams of sugar.

Kids' brands actually fare relatively well in this litmus test, largely because they've had their sugar counts weaned back in response to criticisms over the years. (Cinnamon Toast Crunch, which tastes a world of different than it did when I was a kid, only has 10 grams.)

So how's your cereal selection hold up to this test? Let me know in the comments if you found any surprises.

Click here to check out a chart of the sugar content in most cereals. If you're wondering who the real main offender is, you might be surprised. Raisin Brans of all stripes seem to tip the scales at 20 grams per serving. That's FIVE TEASPOONS OF SUGAR. Ye gods.

Allison Guy's birth: The slideshow

2008-02-28T17:59:00.000-06:00

To scroll through the photos or find specific ones to print, visit the online photo gallery.

More updates to come, but the quick version is that everything's going great. Thanks for all the notes and support!

Allison Guy is here!

2008-02-27T15:25:00.002-06:00

Born at 3:01 p.m. today, weighing 7 lbs. 3 oz.! More photos and reactions to come, of course.

Karen did fantastic!

Baby update 3: 1:05 p.m.

2008-02-27T13:03:00.002-06:00

Things continue to go great. The doctor just came in for an exam and said Karen's 7 cm and 100% effaced (for those of you who understand the relative meaning of such things).

Not sure what this means for the timing. The doctor said "a couple more hours," but I'm thinking we'll be here a bit longer than that. Part of my assumption comes from the fact Karen is still totally relaxed and still reading a book. Of course, this might be because of her new best friend, Mr. Epidural. I got to rub one of her feet a few minutes ago, so at least I am earning my keep as something other than the birth blogger.

Baby update 2: 11:15 a.m.

2008-02-27T11:14:00.003-06:00

Things are still going well, but slowly. Karen's epidural is in and working perfectly. She's been an incredible trooper so far, especially when they had to draw about a milk jug's worth of blood out of the back of her hand.

That said, I smoked her at gin rummy 2-1, so she must be a little distracted.

Baby update 1: 9 a.m.

2008-02-27T08:49:00.003-06:00

After a surprisingly good night of sleep, we're back at the hospital, and the show's begun. Karen has started the induction, and contractions are slowly growing in intensity.

For now, she's comfortable, resting and reading a vampire novel. Pretty mellow scene at the moment, but I'm sure that'll change fast. So I'm not sure if I'll get a chance for another update before things get serious.

We're at the hospital. Aaand...now we're not.

2008-02-26T15:33:00.003-06:00

First update: 3:35 p.m.

Karen's water broke about an hour ago, and we're now in our room at the hospital. Karen's comfortable and getting ready to see the doctor. No serious contractions yet, though, so it's hard to say how long this night is going to be.

More to come!

Second update: 4:36 p.m.

A bit of a false alarm, so we're heading home. Hospital offered to let us stay there, but we'll likely get more sleep at the house. (But still probably not much sleep.) We'll be back there first thing tomorrow morning to start the real show. (Promise.)

I wonder if I can fit a desk in my shower.

2008-02-22T11:41:00.005-06:00

Sorry to make all of you picture me naked, but I assure you the mental image will only last the duration of this one blog post.

Anyway, got word this morning that my boss sold one of my new campaign concepts to the client. (Normally, I would have been there, but with the baby coming so soon, I didn't risk leaving town.)

What's interesting is that I thought up the winning campaign in the shower one morning after a few solid days of intense thinking with no results. This isn't the first time the shower's paid off, either. I think it's the fact that the morning shower is a transitional time, where Home Griner begins giving way to Work Griner.

That, and the fact that our house is an icebox all damn winter, so I always look for reasons to stay in the hot water as long as possible. Concepting seems like as good an excuse as any.

Thinking about this today, I was surprised to see this quirky item pop up in the OhGizmo blog:

Yep. That's a "shower curtain calendar." It lets you scribble 12 months' worth of plans onto your shower curtain. And while OhGizmo pokes fun at the idea, I think it's awesome.

Karen and I could use it to scribble notes back and forth after the baby's come along and wrecked any hope of quality one-on-one discussion. I could get a morning reminder about trash day, scooping litter, doctor appointments, family birthdays and early work meetings I might otherwise miss!

Oh sure, I suppose this might ruin the zen, purifying serenity of the shower a bit. Or...I might finally write that book I've been putting off.

That's it. I'm doomed to be the lesser Griner.

2008-02-18T12:48:00.002-06:00

Considering that almost everything I've done in my professional life is on the Internet in some form, you'd think I'd at least be one of the bigger Griners on the Web. But no, I don't even come up on the first page of Google results for "Griner."

But now, just as I was coming to peace with that, a new Griner has come onto the scene in a big way. I wouldn't be surprised if this young woman even ends up being history's most famous Griner:

My Super Bowl ad pick.

2008-02-05T14:04:00.000-06:00

For what it's worth, here's my pick for best Super Bowl ad:

Nice script, great delivery, simple premise. And a scary-clown joke to top it all off.

I would like the other one by E-trade, but the puke pretty well de-railed the spot.

A visual representation of my current musical interests.

2008-01-31T14:22:00.000-06:00

These are just a few clips I've been meaning to share over the past few months, so why not do them all together?

First off, let me say that if you haven't purchased or otherwise acquired a copy of last year's album "Wincing the Night Away" by The Shins, you're missing out on something truly incredible. I don't care what kind of music you're into. If you have ears, you will love this album.

They even made videos for my two favorite songs, although I wonder where you even watch good videos these days OTHER than on YouTube.

Here's my favorite track from the album, and the video's pretty cute.

"Australia" by The Shins:

Mega huge thanks to Emily for hooking me up with an album that is essentially perfect.

On a slightly more obscure note, Karen and I found one of the greatest live acts around when we went to see Modest Mouse a while back. While Modest Mouse itself was weak, it was worth it to see the experimental lunacy of Man Man. Click here to see a loud, jarring clip of their high-energy stage presence, or you can watch this to actually hear what they sound like.

A while later, we got a chance to see Man Man again at a smaller venue in Birmingham. This time, their set wasn't so hot, but the opening act again made my day. The Extraordinaires were hilarious and very talented. A great find.

Here's The Extraordinaires performing "Neighborhood Watch," my favorite song off an excellent self-published album called Short Stories.

And one last one here. I simply love the husband-wife duo Mates of State, especially their newest album, "Bring it Back." Maybe it's their ability to sing completely different parts over each other, or the fact that no two songs ever sound alike (for better or worse).

Here's "Like U Crazy" by Mates of State:

So now that I've flooded your browser or RSS reader with massive, obnoxious videos....anyone got any other recommendations?

No zombies. No 'suggestive posture.' No gays. A look back at the Comics Code Authority.

2008-01-25T12:39:00.000-06:00

The other day, I was talking to a friend about the MPAA, those loathsome morality police who took a good idea (parental notification of adult movie content) and corrupted it to become a puritanical cabal that dictates what we get to see in the theater.

But let's leave that rant for another day.

Talking about the MPAA, I was reminded of the Comics Code Authority, a nongovernmental group that was chartered in 1954 to excise any trace of adult content from comic books.

I remembered three things about the Comics Code Authority:

1. They were created in reaction to "Tales from the Crypt" types of comics that reveled in the grotesque and salacious.

2. Their stamp was on every comic I bought as a kid, at least until the 1990s, when their power waned with the introduction of independent comic shops.

3. Their morality was strict, eliminating all references to sex and gore.

But after our MPAA chat, I decided to read up on what was actually in the Comics Code. And as you will see below, what I found was a nightmare document of such reactionary zeal, it made Joseph McCarthy seem kinda lukewarm about communists.

Let's read a few highlights from the original code!

On the portrayal of crime:

• Crimes shall never be presented in such a way as to create sympathy for the criminal, to promote distrust of the forces of law and justice, or to inspire others with a desire to imitate criminals.

• Policemen, judges, government officials, and respected institutions shall never be presented in such a way as to create disrespect for established authority.

• In every instance good shall triumph over evil and the criminal punished for his misdeeds.
(No wonder comics always seemed so predictable!)

• The crime of kidnapping shall never be portrayed in any detail, nor shall any profit accrue to the abductor or kidnapper. The criminal or the kidnapper must be punished in every case.
(Wouldn't this negate half the comic plotlines out there? Dr. Octopus alone seems to have kidnapped Spider-Man's entire family at some point. I guess by "detail," they meant specifics on realistic ransoms and such.)

On semantics and design:

• The letter of the word "crime" on a comics magazine shall never be appreciably greater than the other words contained in the title. The word "crime" shall never appear alone on a cover.

• No comics magazine shall use the word horror or terror in its title.

My personal favorite:

• Scenes dealing with, or instruments associated with walking dead, torture, vampires and vampirism, ghouls, cannibalism and werewolfism are prohibited.
(That's right, no zombies or vampires. The restrictions were eventually lifted on vampires and other "literary" monsters, but zombies were still banned.)

Just plain weird:

• Special precautions to avoid references to physical afflictions of deformities shall be taken.

On boobies and proper coverage thereof:

• All characters shall be depicted in dress reasonably acceptable to society.
(Like spandex and adamantine armor.)

• Suggestive and salacious illustration or suggestive posture is unacceptable.
(For some reason, this always makes me picture a 1950s film-noir femme fatale leaning against a wall, smoking a cigarette while wearing one of those Carmen Sandiego hats.)

• Females shall be drawn realistically without exaggeration of any physical qualities.
(It's true. This is what all women look like.)

On sweet sweet lovin:

• Illicit sex relations are neither to be hinted at or portrayed. Violent love scenes as well as sexual abnormalities are unacceptable.

• The treatment of love-romance stories shall emphasize the value of the home and the sanctity of marriage.

• Passion or romantic interest shall never be treated in such a way as to stimulate the lower and baser emotions.

• Sex perversion or any inference to same is strictly forbidden.
(I'm thinking this was the one cited in the code's ban on homosexuality.)

In 1971, the code was revised after Stan Lee's government-backed storyline about drug abuse was nixed by the Comics Code Authority. This highlighted the fact that even a negative mention of drugs was forbidden.

But the code still pretty much read the same.

In 1989, the code was overhauled dramatically, to the point that it was almost
indecipherably permissive. Here's a telling sample:

• Scenes and dialogue involving adult relationships will be presented with good taste, sensitivity, and in a manner which will be considered acceptable by a mass audience. Primary human sexual characteristics will never be shown. Graphic sexual activity will never be depicted.

But by this point, the code was nearing the end of its days. In 2001, Marvel created its own ethical policy. New comic companies like Image (home of Spawn) didn't care a bit about comic code approval.

Wikipedia gives this update:

As of 2007, DC Comics and Archie Comics are the only major publishers still submitting their books for CCA approval, and in the case of DC, only books from its Johnny DC and DC Universe superhero lines, with DC Universe titles sometimes published without Code approval.

OK, so now that I've trashed the longstanding comics code (which, I have to admit, never really inhibited my enjoyment of comics as a kid), I feel I should address the big-picture issue: Should there be morality guidelines for popular media?

I think Marvel did the right thing by creating a code for its own publications. That way, a parent can generally be confident that a kid reading Marvel titles won't be exposed to anything too jarring. (Unless they grab a copy of Marvel Zombies, in which case that kid is going to be messed up for life.)

But it obviously comes down to an issue of individual parenting. In my ideal world, groups like the MPAA and the Comics Code Authority would exist to help make people aware of what's featured in a certain work instead of creating artificial limits on what could be included in, say, an R-rated film.

Will all this change soon when I have a daughter? Probably so. But I doubt I'll ever get to a point where I think it's a good idea for anyone to tell me what art I should or shouldn't be able to see as an adult.

Snow 'n' Joe.

2008-01-21T10:53:00.000-06:00

Yep, it actually snowed this weekend all the way down here in Birmingham, Ala. I think this is the first snow I've seen stick since we moved here in 2005.

So how did I enjoy the winter wonderland of 1/20th an inch of snow? I ran out in my pajamas with Jonas, a camera and a dog biscuit. A few snaps later, Jonas had his treat, and I was back inside, sipping coffee next to the roaring fireplace.

All in all, a damn fine weekend.

Huzzah for home-improvement marathon.

2008-01-11T11:58:00.000-06:00

I know it's been sleepy on the blog since the holidays. We had a great time up north with Karen's family, but I've been swamped with work ever since. I'm gradually finishing off some huge projects, but only in time to start new ones.

Speaking of big projects, this weekend looks to be a behemoth of home-improvement work. During one of this week's two massive storms, we noticed leaks popping up in our living room. I just found out a few minutes ago it's going to be about $836 to fix the entire area above the living room. (We have a flat roof, which I've honestly been worried about since Day 1.)

In addition, I'm heading into my fourth stab at installing a new sink in the guest bathroom. (The photo is of me celebrating the removal of the ancient rust-bucket sink from the 1950s.) It's going relatively well, but each night of labor ends with a new list of parts or tools we need to get from Lowe's. Sadly, I wasn't able to finish before Karen's mom rolls into town tonight, but I'm hoping to get it done tomorrow.

We're also getting estimates to install a full-sized dishwasher, replacing the one we have now, which was apparently purchased in Smurf Village. A bigger model will be quite a boon when we're washing bottles by the dozen.

Somewhere in there, I'd like to finish up the detail work on the house painting, and then there's the fence that's only stained a third of the way around. Oh, and converting the study into a nursery, complete with closet overhaul. All this, and just two months to go before L'il Griner storms the scene and devours 90% of my attention.

So....who's up for another wood-splittin' party?

2007-12-21T08:03:00.000-06:00

I came home last night to find this monstrous, 20-foot-long branch had fallen into my back yard. Astonishingly, it missed the house, the utility cables (just a few feet away), the outdoor furniture, the dog, the dogwood and basically everything else in the yard.

While I'm happy with this minor miracle of avoided destruction, I'm not left feeling very optimistic of the longevity of the huge hickory that dropped the branch. As many of you will remember, we had a hell of a time taking apart the hickory goliath in my front yard last year. This one is about the same size, and seems to have even more branches.

I'm just telling you all this as a fair warning for when I call and ask who wants to help run the hydraulic splitter in exchange for some premium firewood -- as much as you can carry! What a deal!

This should clear up some things.

2007-12-18T15:02:00.001-06:00

Not my office., originally uploaded by Griner.

I fully expect this to become a standard piece of signage, like "Not an Exit."

My Christmas wish for my Web browser.

2007-12-14T11:01:00.000-06:00

There's something that drives me crazy every time I try to recall a login for a Web site, and Firefox asks if I want it to remember the password. The answers, essentially, are "yes," "no" or "never."

What I want is a "yes, but only if this password works." A lot of times, a failed password takes you to another screen, where you try to guess again. Firefox remembers that one, but also remembers the wrong one for the front page. I'm sure there's a manual way to fix all this, but bullocks to that.

Anyone know of an extension or fix for this kind of thing? Or am I just light years ahead of the Internet? Poking around, I found this security extension, but I can't say I really understand how it works.

But if you are using Firefox, I overwhelmingly recommend this calculator add-on. It's wonderful for day-to-day stuff or more advanced things like successive calculations (we use it for budgeting). Anyone know of other great extensions? I love Firefox, but I feel like I'm not really using it to its full potential.

We picked a name and a monkey-robot nursery theme. Can't we just use a dartboard for the rest?

2007-12-14T10:29:00.000-06:00

All things baby related are proceeding well. Karen and I have obviously had to stumble somewhat blindly through the many selection processes -- pick what to register for, find a day care, pick a pediatrician, etc.

I feel like we've been pretty lucky with each of these, considering how little experience we're operating from. Stacy was a huge help with picking registry things we'd actually need, and hand-me-downs from her and Kim have negated a lot of decision making.

The day care was pretty easy. We toured three. One was complete crap. Chaotic, messy, grumpy staff, bad vibe, hefty price (at least for that level of crapiness). The second was nicer but just felt cramped and loosely organized. We ended up going with one that was a bit sterile and institutional, but well coordinated and safe. They had cameras in each room (really just a psychological barrier to keep workers from losing their cool), lots of sanitary precautions, a helpful staff and a ton of space indoors and out. Plus, it's close to the house. Score.

Pediatricians were a little tougher, because you're picking a person, a location and a business.

The first one came highly recommended, but there were some snags that were immediately noticeable. First, the practice is in a hospital complex, which means parking stinks (and costs money...no validation). The waiting room felt messy and uninviting, and I'm guessing I'll have to spend a lot of time there. The doctor herself was nice enough, but she spoke 100 miles an hour and never came up for air. I was left feeling stressed and confused, just from the atmosphere of our conversation.

Plus, the practice seemed to shovel a lot of the work onto nurses. Phoned-in questions were answered by nurses. After-hours calls were divided up with another practice entirely. And the doctor only worked three days a week (no doctor there works more than four). Finally, she rushed us out the door because she had a backlog of patients.

Luckily, we found a place the next day that was everything the first one wasn't. The practice is in its own brand-new building with its own free, covered parking. The waiting rooms are comfortable for adults and, presumably, kids. The doctor was fantastic. Calm, supportive, upbeat and practical. Plus, she's only 38, so odds are good she'll be around a while.

I have no idea what the next "Oh my god you haven't done that yet?!" decision will be. But at least we've found that trusting your gut is about the only thing you really need to muddle through.

Oh, and congrats to our friend Sarah, who just made it through 10 hours of labor, 2 hours of pushing AND a C-section. If our kid puts us through that, she better damn well be the next Doogie Howser.

The look that made Jonas a Griner.

2007-11-29T21:54:00.000-06:00

We finally got a decent photo the other day for our Christmas card, and when I saw Jonas' expression, it seemed familiar. Eventually, it hit me. It looked almost identical to the photo taken at the pound in California.

On the left, you can see the original photo that ran on a rescue group's adoption page. I was actually just visiting the page to ensure I was printing the Web address correctly in our newspaper's weekly Adopt-a-Pet feature. Jonas (actually called Wally at that point), was at the top of the page, and I was smitten right away.

Obviously, the Christmas card photo is on the right. Three years have elapsed between the two shots, but Joe still knows how to fire up the charm on occasion. (Especially if the cameraman -- my dad in this case -- makes a weird noise right before the shot.)

Do not, repeat, do not arm yourself with the bones of Godzilla.

2007-11-28T09:18:00.000-06:00

In one of those "don't ask how I got here" kind of moments, I found myself perusing the Godzilla page on Wikipedia today. Scrolling through it, I started to notice that the page is a treasure trove of hilarity.

Here are my favorites:

• "In the movie Godzilla x Mothra x Mechagodzilla: Tokyo S.O.S., the two shobijin fairies warn that using Godzilla's bones as a weapon is a big mistake."

• "Indeed, a translated conversation between Godzilla, Mothra and Rodan in said film reveals that Godzilla's ire towards humans is merely due to what he perceives as unprovoked attacks towards him."

• "The American version looked much more like a badger like than the original version."

• "He is also shown to have a high degree of physical strength and dexterity, often utilizing martial arts techniques in combat."

• There's really no excerpt that will do this justice, so here you go:

In Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah, it is discovered that the time-travelers that had attempted to prevent Godzilla's creation had left in its place on Lagos island their own creation—three tiny Dorats—mutating and combining them into a three-headed golden abomination, King Ghidorah.

Unfortunately, they are unaware that the Godzilla they had planned to erase was later mutated by the nuclear submarine crash which would lead to the events of The Return of Godzilla. In an effort to stop King Ghidorah's rampage, an extremely wealthy corporate developer plans to send a nuclear submarine into the Bering Sea in an attempt to create a second Godzilla. Instead of finding the Godzillasaurus, the submarine would come face to face with Godzilla himself, unchanged and still recovering from the ANEB.

The Futurians’ ignorance of the past leads them to create the second Godzilla in the first place rather than removing him from history. Godzilla absorbs the power of the nuclear sub, purging his system of the bacteria and increasing his size further to 100 meters (328 feet), becoming big and powerful enough to defeat King Ghidorah.

Godzilla proceeds to attack Japan itself, but is stopped when Emmy, one of the Futurians who had turned on her fellows, resurrects Ghidorah as a cyborg in the future and returns to the past to battle Godzilla with the new Mecha-King Ghidorah. The two battle in Tokyo, with both falling into the sea, but Godzilla is still alive.

•Finally, some actually interesting information:

"One characteristic that has remained stable is his roar. It was first created by Japanese composer Akira Ifukube by rubbing a resin glove over the strings of a contrabass."

If real life were like Rock Band.

2007-11-26T12:54:00.000-06:00

So I got a chance to try out the new game Rock Band this weekend at friend Bill's house, and it is truly spectacular. Like Guitar Hero stepped up to the Nth degree. (You can read Bill's summary of the game here, or check out videos like this one to see how it works.)

Anyway, so yeah, the game's a blast, but to make it as fun as it is, the programmers had to really change your notions of how a live performance should work. Below, I've done my best to recreate what it must look like from the fan's perspective.

-----------

Hey man, how was your weekend? Good good. Yeah, no mine was fine. Went and saw a show. What? No, I wouldn't really say it was good, but it was pretty friggin weird. No, nothing like that. Let me see if I can do this justice:

At the beginning, the band just kinda walked out on stage and picked up their gear. Then they started debating who should play what instrument. The guitarist picked up a bass, then changed his mind again and sat at the drums. The drummer picked up the mic, then seemed to get shy and handed it to the other guitarist. I thought maybe they were just joking around, but then it really got crazy.

Right when the band looked like they were finally ready, they just stood there staring straight ahead. So someone yells out, "Play 'Run for the Hills' by Iron Maiden!" Then the drummer freaks out and starts trying to hand the sticks to anyone who will take them. Everyone else in the band tells the bassist to play drums, but the drummer wants to play guitar, so the guitarist switches with the singer. Then the song starts after what felt like forever.

So the drummer begins playing, but he can't figure out the beat, so it's just random banging. And just when I'm thinking, "wow, this sucks," the singer gets going. And it's like she has never heard the words in her life. She's reading the lyrics off some kind of karaoke machine, at least until she gives up and just starts saying "roo roo roo" for the next, like, 6 minutes.

Right when I'm about to go get a beer, things actually got pretty interesting. The drummer, who looks like some kind of nervous, caffeinated monkey, gets forcibly yanked off the stage for playing so incredibly bad. Then it's kinda creepy, because the song keeps going without any percussion.

But that only lasts 30 seconds or so. That's when the guitarist, who's actually pretty good, starts crotch-grinding his guitar and doing this weird ride-that-pony dance across the stage. I guess that won over the stage manager or whoever, because the drummer got to come back out and play the rest of the song. Strangely, this happened two or three more times. The drummer even got kicked off stage a second time, but he got to come back yet again, apparently because the bass player started shaking his butt and using a wah-wah pedal.

Anyway, at the end, they try to do this big finish. But it's not like one of those jam-band finishes where all the different melodies come together into one triumphant finale. No, it's more like they all just start hitting random notes and drums and cowbells and whatever. I swear my ears were bleeding.

At the very end of the song, they all hit their instruments one last time, but the bass player hits his note about a half a second too late. Everything goes quiet, and they all stare at him like he's an ass. He apologizes to the rest of the band and says he should probably just sing the next one or two. Then the audience got to vote on who was the "most energetic" or some crap. I threw my bottle at the stage and went home.

Home security redefined.

2007-11-25T15:22:00.000-06:00

Found this photo while I was organizing our external drive and decided to give it the lolcats treatment. Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving!

Hoboy! I have an Amazon wish list! And my unborn daughter has a charity!

2007-11-17T18:07:00.000-06:00

This feels self-serving and materialistic, but I personally like when friends have Amazon wish lists. Because even if I know you well, come Christmas crunch time, I don't really want to do any more thinking than I absolutely have to.

So anyway, here's mine...

If you've got one you'd like to share (or see something that I'd love but is blatantly missing from my list), post a comment here.

Oh, and I almost forgot, with all the baby registry stuff also going on this year, Karen and I are offering an easy alternative to gifts of any kind.

We're trying to collect donations in our daughter's name for kiva.org, so you're all invited to take the easy route and send a contribution of any size (seriously...$1, whatever) via check. Just make it out to us and write kiva.org in the message line. Contact me if you need our address.

Five years ago today....

2007-11-16T07:49:00.000-06:00

...it was an icy-cold, blustery day in Chicago. And mere minutes after our friend Matt snapped this photo, it started snowing and didn't let up. Thankfully, I don't live in a Victorian novel, so the weather didn't end up being a portent of things to come. It just made the bridesmaids cuss a little.

I doubt I have to tell any of you how incredible it's been being married to Karen. She keeps me excited about life and energized about learning new things. We've gone through some pretty dramatic transitions in the past five years, and Karen has always been the voice of enthusiasm and optimism, although she's enough of a realist to actually make me plan my life more than a day ahead.

I could obviously spend countless posts talking about how great she is, how much she's added to my life, how cute she looks when she's killing samurai on the XBox, but there's really no rush. We're only five years in.

Happy anniversary, Karen.

When no one's looking.

2007-11-06T21:24:00.000-06:00

Had to run home today for a few minutes so the TV repair guys could pick up the set. When I got there, it was quiet. Too quiet.

Assuming Jonas had not again broken INTO the house, I decided he probably just hadn't noticed me pull up.

So I carefully went into the house, grabbed the camera and snapped a photo of what he secretly does when no one's around during the day.

Witness the SHOCKING TRUTH. If you dare!

A (not so) quick wrapup of the many things going on.

2007-11-05T11:08:00.000-06:00

I keep wanting to write epic blog posts about all the different things we've got going on lately, but I never have the time to actually write them. So I'm going to cop out and just give you guys some big updates in bullet form.

• We're having a daughter. Sorry if you're just now hearing about it, but yes, it's true. We're quite excited, nervous, etc. Karen's about halfway along and has had a pretty much ideal pregnancy. (No sickness, no super-crazy cravings or aversions, etc.) Read more over at Karen's blog if you haven't already. If you're my daughter reading this in the distant future and wondering how your dad announced the big news....um, sorry about this.

• We're adopting a cat. That's the plan anyway. Tomorrow, we're scheduled to pick up a kitten that was brought into our vet. It was found hiding under a car and has since been named "Volvo," which I assure you will not last. If this ends up causing too much craziness, our vet has assured us we can bring her back at any time and they'll find a good home. So at worst, we're fostering, but I hope it'll work out long-term.

• We're painting our house. And it is an epic affair. After two steady weeks of work, we've only completed about 1/6th of the house, but it looks INCREDIBLE. (We're going from horrible mint green to a sort of dark cedar. I love it.) Again, I steer you to Karen's blog for the backstory. We'll have some great in-progress photos soon, and I'm especially excited about my parents coming down to help next weekend.

• I got to see They Might Be Giants Friday night in Atlanta, which was great. They played a good mix of old and new stuff, although they did seem pretty exhausted from all the touring they've been doing. (Thanks to YouTube, you can see a video clip from the front row, which is far closer than I was.) I picked up an autographed vinyl copy of their new album, which will make for a fun memento. Had a great time with my old California friend Jeff at the show. Maybe too great a time, because....

• Saturday was one of the worst days of my life. Not really sure why. I didn't drink a tremendous amount Friday night, and never even really got that tipsy. But Saturday was literally a gut-wrenching day of frequent, sudden stops along the interstate. I came home, passed out and woke up about 20 hours later feeling quite a bit better. I'm blaming the gypsies who fed me before the show. They'll probably come for my baby in a few months, too. (Actually, the restaurant was tasty, if a bit underwhelming in terms of menu choices.)

Sadly, I had to miss our monthly Supper Club with friends and family (sorry again, guys), but another drive up to Huntsville was far, far out of the question.

• I've been playing around quite a bit on Facebook, which is a world of better than MySpace. If you're on there and you haven't found me yet, let me know. All sorts of friends from college, high school and elsewhere have come out of the woodwork on there. I even started a group for advertising bloggers, and it already has more than 80 members from around the world. Crazy. (If you have a Facebook account, here's the link to the group.)

• Work is going wonderfully, but it's definitely keeping me busy. Just embarked on a huge new project that should be fun. It comes on the heels of this huge project, which was a good time. I have an office now, which is a first in my career. It's quite nice and serene, and I'm actually somewhat close to my colleagues now.

I don't have much recent stuff I can really show off, but here's a fun "save the date" card I made with designer Miles to promote an HR conference. The client is a local law firm.

FRONT

INSIDE

• Our TV is broken, and it's become quite an ordeal. We took the 180-pound monster into a repair place, which eventually said they fixed it (for $125....not terrible). After dragging all 180 pounds BACK home, I realized it was still broken in the same way. (But thanks to Greg and Valerie for helping load it into and out of the car.) The repair guys are picking it up tomorrow and waiving the $50 pickup fee, but we'll see how it goes.

If it ends up costing too much more or being unfixable, we're looking at this 37" LCD by Vizio, which sells for about $750 at Sam's and has gotten good reviews for such a cheap model. Anyone out there have any other recommendations? We're replacing a 34-inch CRT by Phillips, if that gives you a sense of perspective.

• Jonas has ballooned to 73 pounds. I'm starting to think he's actually a manatee.

OK, that's plenty of updates for now. There's so much more going on, but I'll try to be better about keeping you all up to speed more regularly. As always, you can enjoy my blogging antics somewhat daily over here.

For a $25 copay, it's pretty good entertainment.

2007-10-29T10:16:00.000-05:00

Doctor: So, what's wrong?

Me: I've had really bad abdominal cramping for a few days.

Doctor: Ooh, could be kidney stones.

Me: Really? I mean, my kidneys don't hurt.

Doctor: Huh. Maybe bladder stones?

Me: Uhh...

Doctor: Does it burn when you pee?

Me: No.

Doctor: Have you had heavy bleeding in your stool?

Me: I would have mentioned either of those things before the cramping.

Doctor: Huh. Well, let's X-ray you and see if we can find those stones!

(After X-ray)

Doctor: Mm, no stones. Are you sure you haven't had heavy bleeding in your stool?

Me: Pretty sure.

Doctor: Well, if you notice it happen a few times...

Me: Shouldn't I be worried after the first time?

Doctor: Yeah. That would be bad.

Me: Wait, should I expect it to happen?

Doctor: Whew, I hope not. Do you ever eat so much that it might rupture your intestinal wall?

(Doctor looks at my 150-pound frame.)

Doctor: Probably not, huh?

Postscript:

I was eventually diagnosed with "abdominal cramping" and given pain pills and antibiotics, even though the doctor seemed vague about what he expected the antibiotics to kill.

To date, no heavy bleeding, and I feel much better. And I can't say I'll stop going to that doctor. He seems to call it like he sees it, which I appreciate. And strangely, there's never a wait.

All the freaks come out.

2007-10-28T08:40:00.000-05:00

Here's a slideshow of choice pics from this year's Boo celebration in Birmingham. Most of our group went as marketing icons. I'll let you try to guess them all.

One highlight of the night was a friend saying that my gray beard made me look "10 years older." That would be 40. Jerk.

One joy I cannot be denied.

2007-10-26T17:26:00.001-05:00

P1010004, originally uploaded by Griner.

My TV's broken and my Internet connection is failing every few minutes, but nothing can keep me from enjoying the first fire of the season.

Every reporter's dream.

2007-10-11T15:22:00.000-05:00

Big congrats to my wonderful friend Angela, who has made it into The New York Times. I think she's either trying to dismantle her own chin or getting ready to play the harmonica.

Let's get ready to jumble!

2007-10-08T07:17:00.000-05:00

So a few months back, Karen proposed a small yard sale to get rid of excess junk around the house. I personally didn't think we had enough to justify the work of a yard sale, but then my sister found a new house, effectively stocking us with a driveway full of pretty good stuff.

This past weekend was the yard sale. (Or as they say in the U.K., "jumble sale," which my British friend Cait wants me to popularize in America....although I didn't risk putting that on the signs.)

It was a somewhat epic amount of work, but the result was about $630 in profit. (We spent roughly $100 on the newspaper ad, signs and prizes for friends who helped set up).

The experience itself was great, too. I actually had a lot of fun. People were nice, and just about everything sold.

But if you ever find yourself wanting to host a garage/yard/jumble sale, let me share a few tips while they're fresh in my memory.

What we did right:

* Warned away early birds. We had a "No early birds" line in our ad, and we put a sign at the end of the driveway the night before. That seemed to keep people from knocking on our door at 5 a.m. (which I hear is a regular occurrence).

* Offered free coffee. It was easy to make and set out, and it seemed to make folks happy and encouraged them to stick around longer.

* Had HUGE signs. I borrowed some large sandwich boards from my agency and covered them with poster board that we had colored with markers. They ended up dwarfing every other pitiful yard sale sign. I know most people don't have access to these, but you should at least try to scrounge for something similar in size and effectiveness.

* Had a clothing rack. Last time we did a yard sale, we stacked clothes on a table. This time, thanks to a clothing rack we borrowed from Karen's office, they seemed to sell a lot better. They also obviously saved precious table space.

* Had lots of grocery bags and cardboard boxes on hand. The boxes proved especially useful.

* Priced low. Our goal was to move stuff, and we did. If you price low, you stand the best chance of getting rid of most things in the first hour. Be strong, and forget what you or your mother-in-law paid for that porcelain sauerkraut cooker or whatever.

* Priced simply. $1 for adult clothes. 50 cents for baby clothes. The only exception was $3 for jackets.

*Didn't have a cash box. We carried the money in fanny packs and dropped off large wads of cash inside when it started to get full. This eliminated the stress of watching a money box all day.

* Arranged tables by topic, not by price. This just seemed to help people find what they were looking for, then buy lots of it. It can be tempting to bunch by price, but it's pretty worthless.

* Played music. It made it a bit less creepy and easier for people to talk to each other about my stuff in front of me.

* Cut boxes in half to hold books. This was my personal accomplishment. We had tons of books, but I didn't just want them stacked messily on a table. So I cut some cardboard boxes horizontally, then sealed the top or bottom. Poof! Suddenly you have a bunch of shallow boxes that were perfect for books, CDs, etc.

What sold well:
* Tools. By far the big winner, especially power tools. Sold before we opened.
* Small appliances. (Be sure to have an outlet for people to test them.)
* Computer and video game peripherals.
* DVDs. (Thanks, Dad!)
* Books -- especially cookbooks and paperbacks (we charged 50 cents a piece).
* Holiday stuff. (October was a good month for that.)
* Bathroom stuff, aka "Health and Beauty." Everything sold but a comb.
* Furniture.
* Guns. I didn't have any, but people kept asking all day.

What didn't sell well:
* Reference books. Total waste of space, except the dictionary and the Bible.
* Board games.
* Flower pots. Didn't sell one (out of about 15).
* Coffee mugs.
* Candles.
* Slim clothes. (Although it was worth it to see the look on women's faces when they held up Karen's shirts.)

Well I hope all that helps you guys out if/when you decide to tackle one. I definitely think it was worth the effort, but it'll be a while before I have the energy to tackle it again.

If you find yourself waffling about whether to have one, just picture this little stash of pot-dealer cash:

More news from my childhood (kinda).

2007-10-04T14:01:00.001-05:00

Sure, my mom is friends with a bunch of astronauts. She has been as long as I've known her. This in and of itself has never impressed me.

But back when I was a video game junkie (er, in my early days as a video game junkie), my mother found a way to truly impress me. I was reading an article about Richard Garriott, creator of the Ultima video game series, and it mentioned that his games always included a silver serpent medallion because he actually wore one every day. The only time he didn't wear it was when his father took it into space.

Wait a second, into space? I asked mom, and sure enough, she knew Richard's dad, astronaut Owen Garriott. Holy crap, I was one degree away from the guy who made my favorite game! OK, so maybe it was still two or three degrees, but still.

Mom sent me an e-mail the other day saying that Richard is finally living his dream and going up into space himself. Now the story's starting to pop up in my blog feeds. (The photo above comes from a New York Times story that mentions Richard also owns a Sputnik. Good for him.)

But what confused me was today's entry in Gadling, a travel blog I read daily. They never mention the fact that Richard Garriott was one of the first software millionaires. In fact, check out this bit from the blog post:

If the name Garriot sounds familiar, think Owen Garriot. Owen Garriot, is a retired NASA astronaut who spent time aboard Skylab and Spacelab-1 is his dad. Next year's trip will be the first time an American astronaut's kid has headed to space.

I don't know how much weight I should give that blog entry anyway, since it misspelled Garriott on all references. But even in the NYT story I linked to above, Richard is referred to in the headline as just a "Texas man."

So now I'm not sure whether to feel bad that I think of Richard as the far bigger celebrity, or feel good that my mom is friends with the dad. One thing is clear: I don't really come out ahead in either scenario. Maybe I'd feel better if I had my own Sputnik.

Hey Emily, take notes from a real poet.

2007-10-04T07:39:00.000-05:00

As we pored through boxes for our upcoming yard sale (more on that soon), Karen and I dug up some real treats. One of my favorites was "The Write Stuff: 1987-1988," the literary magazine from my fifth-grade year.

I think it will become apparent in the following poem that I was an exceptionally gifted poet, and some of you might find yourself shocked or even angry at the fact that I didn't pursue this as a career. The experimental rhyme scheme, the nontraditional metaphor...I may have reached my creative peak at age 10.

Undertow

Once there was a little man
Sitting on the beach.
A big wave came along.
He was afraid.
It turned him white like bleach.

It sucked him out into the water
Taken away he was.
He was treading water poorly
When he asked himself
"Is this what a dolphin does?"

He was swimming rather well
When a whale nudged him in the leg.
He looked for something to hold on to
When he saw a keg.
So he laid on top of it.

Finally he came to a shore.
As he got to the beach of ice
He stated "Gah!"
He had started out in South America
And ended up in Canada.

Now, as pleased as I am with the work of child Griner, I have to say I was actually outdone by other kids in my school. Check out this opening line from a fourth-grader's short story:

One day a robot named E.L. Fudge found a crystal that breakdanced.

I'll just let you imagine the rest.

Behold, an online bible for coffee nerds.

2007-09-28T10:06:00.001-05:00

If you knew me in college, chances are you knew that each of my days was divided thusly:

• 1/4th asleep.
• 1/4th in classes.
• 1/4th working at student newspaper.
• 1/4th hanging out at Lakota Coffee Co.

Lakota was almost solely responsible for both my epic love of coffee and my unshakable desire to open a coffee shop. It was relaxing, warm and quiet — a combination that's just about impossible to come by in a college town.

Sure, it was the preferred hangout of professors and grad students, not undergrads like myself, but that's probably what has kept Lakota alive while countless other coffee shops in Columbia have failed.

Anyway, getting to the point, I was working on an AdFreak item today about NOSO, a somewhat-serious effort to break people away from social networking. You can read more about it on their site, but basically they recommend you find a nice quiet place to relax and invite other NOSO users to show up as well — but not ever join you or talk to you.

I was instantly reminded of Lakota, where I saw the same people every day but never talked to any of them. Even the staff didn't know my name after four years of daily visits, but that's just the kind of vibe it is. Friends would join me there on occasion, but most times it was just a nice introverted break from the daily chaos of college.

But I'm still not getting to the point. After reading about NOSO, I decided to Google Lakota and make sure it was still there. Not only is it alive and well, but they've even started a separate Web site to teach people about coffee.

The site — Specialty-Coffee-Advisor.com — reads like an ad for a book. But in fact, they just put all the info out there for anyone who's willing to read.

It's a virtual encyclopedia of coffee learnin', with tips for the daily coffee drinker and the professional roaster alike. (I hope to be both someday.)

You can read about:
• How to grind beans properly.
• How to store coffee.
• The real meaning of "organic" and "fair trade."
• A thorough definition of coffee types.
• Brewing tips that justify my own preferences. (See mom? I told you you're not supposed to be able to see the bottom of the cup.)

I don't mean to sound so blatantly promotional, but I know that several of you share my zeal for coffee, and it can be difficult to find one reliable source of information about this stuff. In the end, the site is likely aimed at getting potential coffee shop owners to hire Lakota's operators as consultants. In that respect, I'm sold as well.

Now I just need a Web site with tips on how to raise $250,000 in a few short years. Hey, what a coincidence, I just got an e-mail from a kind-hearted bank president in Nigeria...

Bush has a plan for zombies to eat U.S. beef.

2007-08-13T10:51:00.000-05:00

I've got a few things to blog about in the near future (like the Griner 30th birthday festivities, which are still in full swing).

But until then, you'll have to subsist on this bit of YouTube awesomeness:

Not dead. Just resting.

2007-08-01T12:28:00.000-05:00

Sad to say, the Cafe is probably going to remain a dusty, tumbleweed kind of place for a few weeks more. I'm loaded with intense amounts of work, and I'm trying to devote any free writing energy to AdFreak, where I'll also be helping as guest editor this month.

So don't cancel your RSS feed or erase your bookmark, but also don't expect a lot of action over here. I'll still try to post when I can, preferably with items of more substantial girth than "hey look, something funny!" I'd also like to rekindle my podcast idea. So many things to do! So little desire to sit in front of a computer and do them!

Cheers,
Griner

25 and sleepy? Sign me up!

2007-06-26T18:54:00.000-05:00

A snippet from an IM chat with friend Valerie today:

Me: Check out this message that just got through my Gmail spam filter: "Hi! I am tired today. I am 25 y.o. girl that would like to chat with you."

Valerie: awesome
hee
I know how much you like tired girls

Me: Every good solicitation starts with an expression of fatigue.

You guys might not know this...

2007-06-15T14:59:00.000-05:00

...but I am SO an industry notable.

Have a great weekend, all.

Meet Ruby!

2007-06-15T11:03:00.000-05:00

She's my new niece, and my only goddaughter! Weighing in at a healthy 7 pounds, 5 ounces, she's the first kid for my sister Stacy and her husband, Jamey.

Thank you, Wikipedia.

2007-06-15T10:58:00.000-05:00

(Click image to see larger.)

I plan to use this pronunciation from now on.

Ah, much better.

2007-06-08T13:46:00.000-05:00

Our recent trip put me up two whole percentage points. Well that, and remembering that I honeymooned in Greece. Still a lot of room for improvement.

Well good news. I finally got my bag, which had been waylaid at Heathrow for weeks (with my camera inside). Fun stories of international intrigue to come next week.

Have a great weekend, all.

The house just isn't the same without her.

2007-06-06T19:37:00.000-05:00

For those who haven't heard, we lost a beloved family member today.

Our younger cat, Callie, recently suffered sudden kidney failure. Today, we learned that all the vet's best efforts over the past four days were having little effect, and Callie's condition was bound to take a turn for the worse. So we put her to sleep just before noon today.

I'm not sure what to write about. The intense grief of losing a healthy 7-year-old cat? The anger we feel that it might have been caused by contaminated food that was never recalled? Or on the upbeat side, the fact that Callie's adoption in 2000 was the first good excuse I came up with to visit Karen's apartment back when I had a crush on her?

How about I just say this:

She was wonderful, and I miss her very much.

"I, no no no no. No, what I said..."

2007-05-30T15:32:00.000-05:00

Again, I promise to share some vacation stories, but there continues to be a hold up. My camera, along with my souvenirs and a healthy batch of my clothing, is still somewhere between Heathrow and my house. Supposedly. Until then, more random thoughts...

When Karen and I got engaged in Boston, back in the heady days of 2002, it just happened to be the weekend that the Patriots finally won the Super Bowl.

Being in an Irish pub in Boston, watching the Pats win, was truly an awesome experience. We emerged from the pub to find the entire city in rapture, a sprinting mass of people hugging each other and howling with glee.

The next day, we stopped by the Patriots' victory parade. Tens of thousands of people turned out to welcome home their champions, and the mood was again one of unbounded joy. As the parade dispersed, the crowd spontaneously began chanting in unison, as if they were all of one mind, one voice.

And what did they chant?

"Yankees Suck! Yankees Suck!"

This was my first real introduction to the depth of rivalry between the Red Sox and the Yankees. It runs so deep, a Patriots celebration is as good a reason as any to boo a baseball team in New York.

Because of this, I was able to appreciate the inherent humor in Gov. Bill Richardson's spectacular implosion on "Meet the Press." Slate's coverage notes that the painfully awkward interview ended with Tim Russert's softball question about the Red Sox, which presidential candidate Richardson still botched dramatically.

So with that lengthy prelude, I present you with the transcript of Richardson's closing:

MR. RUSSERT: You spent a lot of time in, in Massachusetts. Are you a Red Sox fan?

GOV. RICHARDSON: I’m a Red Sox fan, but I got into trouble in New Hampshire. You know why? Because I said...

MR. RUSSERT: Luis Tiant, the fund-raiser. But, now, governor, this is very serious. In your book on page 18 it says...

GOV. RICHARDSON: No, about Mickey Mantle?

MR. RUSSERT: You said you’re a Yankee fan!

GOV. RICHARDSON: No, no, no. I said—no, no, no.

MR. RUSSERT: I mean, you can, you can...

GOV. RICHARDSON: No, no, no, no.

MR. RUSSERT: ...you can have different views on immigration, assault weapons...

GOV. RICHARDSON: I, no no no no. No, what I said...

MR. RUSSERT: But when it comes to Red Sox, Yankees.

GOV. RICHARDSON: What I said, the Associated Press asked me, “If you weren’t running for president, if you weren’t running for president, what would you rather be?” I’ve always been a Red Sox fan, but I said if I weren’t running for president I would like to be number seven, Mickey Mantle, playing center field for the New York Yankees.

MR. RUSSERT: “Because of Mickey Mantle, I became a Yankee fan.”

GOV. RICHARDSON: I, my favorite team has always been the Red Sox.

MR. RUSSERT: You’re a Red Sox fan.

GOV. RICHARDSON: I’m a Red Sox fan.

MR. RUSSERT: End of subject.

GOV. RICHARDSON: End of subject.

MR. RUSSERT: You better get rid of this book.

GOV. RICHARDSON: Oh, no! I’m also a Yankee fan. I also like...

MR. RUSSERT: Oh, now, wait a minute!

GOV. RICHARDSON: You can—Tim...

MR. RUSSERT: I guarantee...

GOV. RICHARDSON: No, I know, I got in trouble...

MR. RUSSERT: ...if you go—if you go to Yankee Stadium or Fenway, you cannot be both.

GOV. RICHARDSON: But I like—Mickey Mantle was my hero. If I weren’t running for president, and the Associated Press asked me, I’d play center field for the New York—I wanted to be number seven. And—but I still love the Red Sox as a team. I mean, this is the thing about me, Tim. I can bring people together. I can unify people.

MR. RUSSERT: Yankee fans and Red Sox fans?

GOV. RICHARDSON: Yes.

MR. RUSSERT: Not a chance.

I feel like 38% of a man.

2007-05-24T09:51:00.001-05:00

OK, I'm back and will be posting a few thoughts and insights on my trip to Europe pretty soon.

But first, I have to share two disappointing facts I learned about myself today:

38%

(Apparently, compassion for loved ones and strangers in peril does nothing good for your score.)

and

I am 90% Addicted to Coffee

Just 90%? Sigh. Be right back...gotta go refill...

I'm afk.

2007-05-10T23:08:00.000-05:00

Talk to you again around May 23.

OK, I lied. THIS is humbling.

2007-05-10T08:04:00.000-05:00

Well this is humbling.

2007-05-03T09:06:00.000-05:00

Hey, who knows...after Germany and Prague this month, I might be up to 3%.

If you want, click on the button to make your own, and post the link in the comments. (Posting the code for the map doesn't work.)

My talk with the Swampers.

2007-05-01T10:10:00.000-05:00

It's that time of the month again....time to show you the new video clips from The Year of Alabama Arts.

This time, I have to say, it's probably the coolest set yet. These are from my interview with two members of the Muscle Shoals Rhythm Section. They're the ones Lynyrd Skynyrd referred to in "Sweet Home Alabama" when they said, "Muscle Shoals has got the Swampers."

The Swampers are studio musicians who recorded and played on everything from Aretha Franklin's "Respect" to Skynyrd's "Free Bird." Despite all their success, they are still wonderful, humble guys. Enjoy!

Baby robots! Baby effin robots!

2007-04-30T10:44:00.000-05:00

I'm feeling more and more like a local these days. I think a major part of that is going to the same events as last year.

This weekend's Magic City Art Connection was even better than a year ago. Weather was perfect, the collection of artists was diverse, and, of course, we got a framed print of the Best. Painting. Ever.

It's called "Where do baby robots come from?" and it's by former Birmingham resident John Lytle Wilson. Check out his stuff. All great. But of course, we own his best work.

For the record, this isn't me...

2007-04-26T13:35:00.000-05:00

But don't get me wrong, I'm proud of the guy.

What's your best practical advice?

2007-04-26T12:36:00.000-05:00

First off, I've officially started writing for AdFreak, in case any of you were waiting for a signal flare to start reading it or add it to your RSS reader. I'll probably be posting 3-5 times a week.

But there's not much meat on that bone, so we'll move on to a livelier topic:

What is the most practical advice you've ever been given? Stuff that's just all-around good to remember?

Let's see, I've got...

• On driving: "Always accelerate when changing lanes." - My sister.
• On driving (and life): "When you're steering between obstacles, don't look at the obstacles or you'll hit them. Look between them." -My mom.
• On drinking: "Never mix dairy and booze." - Myself, after an unfortunate "White Russian Night."
• On life choices: "Don't ever get divorced twice and then decide to go to grad school on student loans." -My mentor.

What have you guys got?

Ur

2007-04-19T12:24:00.000-05:00

I can't quite explain why I so love the Internet phenom phrase, "I'm in ur base, killing ur d00ds."

Variations on the theme are just about the only text messages I enjoy sending, such as when my brother-in-law was meeting me for lunch, and I texted him, "I'm in ur base, eating ur bread."

Well, Mental Floss has delved into the issue pretty thoroughly. (Mostly as a good excuse to show funny pictures of cats.) So if you've never laughed along with me at things like this...

...then you should probably read the Floss post.

'I was just glad Alabama didn't have polar bears and smoke monsters. Whew!'

2007-04-11T12:42:00.000-05:00

I feel like I have several ideas for deep, thought-provoking and tremendously entertaining blog posts. But sadly, I lack the time to piece them into anything of consequence.

So instead, you get an exclusive look at the TV commercial I spent the past few months working on for The Year of Alabama Arts. It even features Michael Emerson, who plays Ben/Henry on "Lost." Huzzah!

Yes, I realize there's no obvious "writing" for this spot, but I did do the interviews. Except the one with Emerson. We had to hire some folks out in Hawaii to do that. Oh well.

A mere 317 posts later, blogging pays off.

2007-04-06T11:38:00.000-05:00

So it looks like I'll be going national ... dare I say international? ... with this blogging thing.

No, not with this blog specifically. Cafe Asteria will remain an intentionally unfocused writer's journal for friends, family and some chick in Calgary.

Here's the deal: I've been asked to be a writer for what I can honestly say is my favorite advertising blog, AdFreak. It's a part-time gig, of course, so it's not like I'm leaving agency life behind.

I think this will be a great opportunity. For one, it's flattering that they approached me with the idea. For two, my boss is cool with it...as long as I hold off starting until we launch our current behemoth of a campaign. For three, I think it builds street cred for my agency to have someone involved with a blog this respected.

So thanks to all of you for keeping me blogging, thanks to Tim at AdFreak for giving me a shot, and thanks to the bookstore for being so understanding when I quit last night.

I'll keep you guys posted on when I actually start up with AdFreak, so that I can start mining you all for good ideas. As I said, it'll be a few weeks. Until then, you should still read it. That way you'll know that, yes, even MTV spots featuring hookers are fair game. I know, I know...when doesn't MTV feature hookers, right?

I will soon begin stumping for an age cap of 28.

2007-04-02T18:36:00.000-05:00

Got some unexpected props today, when the president of my agency announced I had won the annual "Rookie Award." I think he had some very nice things to say about my work, but I was a little too surprised to hear what it was.

It was great recognition, but I also thought it was funny to be a 29-year-old Rookie of the Year. It left me wondering who held the record for Oldest Rookie of the Year.

The good news is, it's not me.

In baseball, which seems the most rookie-obsessed sport, the title generally goes to Sam Jethroe. His story is pretty interesting.

He was one of the first three Negro League players who tried out for the Major Leagues, but none of the three, including Jackie Robinson, was hired from the tryout. Soon Jethroe was picked up by the Boston Braves, and his first year earned him the National League Rookie of the Year honor.

That was 1950, Jethroe was 32, and he has held the "oldest" title ever since. The oldest rookie in the sport was another Negro League veteran, Satchel Paige, who pitched his first Major Leagues game at 42.

But the real hero I discovered today was Connie Madigan. After a lengthy stint in minor-league hockey, Madigan played his first game in the pros at age 38.

So what makes Madigan so great? His record of being the oldest NHL rookie can never be beat. That's right. Never.

Why? Check out this tidbit:

Barring a rule change, the record will technically stand forever. Due to the large influx of Russian players in the late '80s, the NHL limited its definition of rookie to players 26 and under. (Source)

So there you go. Were I a professional hockey player, I would be out of luck. But at 145 pounds, I'd probably also be dead.

Blogging Griner quotient doubles. Science textbooks pulled for emergency revisions.

2007-03-23T11:14:00.000-05:00

Big congratulations to my wife, Karen, who has joined the exciting world of blogging. She even started off strong, with a post that's simultaneously thought-provoking, sad and uplifting.

Personally, my favorite part of her blog is that her "about me" section ends with, "That's all you need to know for now." It helps give everyone an insight into the unique challenges I faced in courting her.

Enjoy! Oh and yes, I'm still besieged by work, so the blog updates remain soundly on the back burner. Maybe Karen will pick up the slack.

Vader's comic genius.

2007-03-19T16:01:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the very few posts lately, but work is eating me like Cookie Monster with a bag of ... um .... broccoli?

Anyway, here's a clip that gave me a much-needed laugh-until-I'm-openly-weeping moment today:

Via Mental Floss.

Debunk'd!

2007-03-13T15:09:00.000-05:00

Has anyone else heard that the Cookie Monster was changed to the Veggie Monster on Sesame Street?

I was told that by someone very matter-of-factly a few weeks back, and I promptly started asking people whether that was true. I pictured a green version of CM, which would really just look like Oscar, sans trash can.

No one could tell me if it was true, probably because I am not yet at the point in life where my friends find themselves watching Sesame Street.

Strangely, Snopes.com rides to the rescue. Turns out, it is all just a myth/misunderstanding/paranoia. There was even an online petition, signed by thousands, aimed at boycotting Sesame Street until the Cookie Monster returned. Crazy.

Cookie Monster even denounced the media for the misunderstanding. Check out this exchange with Matt Lauer, quoted by the Snopes article:

Cookie Monster: Me like fruit.

Matt Lauer: And there you have it. Cookie Monster likes fruit, and not cookies.

Monster: No! You members of the media blow story way out of proportion! Me still like cookies!

Lauer: Then why fruit?

Monster: Why not fruit? It delicious! And healthy. Me still eat cookies, like me world-famous for doing, but now me eat other things, too.

Yeah, I realize it was probably staged, but that doesn't stop me from laughing about Cookie Monster saying "members of the media blow story way out of proportion."

So, um... there you go.

Carry on octopus sir

2007-03-07T12:43:00.001-06:00

I'm a big fan of my friend Adam Stoves' art. But it wasn't until I was looking at his stuff online the other day that I noticed how great his rarely seen titles are.

So here are a few of my favorites. I didn't include the pictures, so that you could focus on the names. But just click on any one to see the art.

a man whose face was so priceless that it was preserved through obliteration

carry on sir. carry on octopus. carry on octopus sir.

a creature birthed from a collection of discarded boxes

man, deaf and bored by the nature of things, has again embellished this place.

the wedded couple, after much deliberation, makes a grandiose exit

how to tell who of them are the imposters

For more of Adam's work, check out his Flickr photo page or his MySpace page. Oh, and there is my crappy video of Adam's recent one-man show. Enjoy.

Bless his heart, he's a beautiful flower.

2007-03-05T12:31:00.000-06:00

Poor Jonas. He couldn't resist biting off his bandage, so today the vet exiled him to coneville.

This is apparently the new kind of "soft" cone. He supposed to wear it at all times, but I don't think he deserves to be walked around the neighborhood in that.

More folk artists, comin' atcha.

2007-03-01T13:14:00.000-06:00

We've posted some new videos from my interviews with Alabama artists.

These feature Woodie Long, who is a fascinating guy. He grew up picking strawberries and cotton for his sharecropper dad. Although you'd think he had it rough, he actually has tremendously fond memories of this time, and that's mostly what he paints.

Anyway, enjoy:

To see more of the interview clips, check out our YouTube channel.

Sad times at the agency.

2007-03-01T10:26:00.000-06:00

Sadly, the founder of my company died yesterday. I know most of you haven't heard of Robert "Ace" Luckie, but he was still a frequent sight in our office and always remained interested in what we were up to. (His sons now run the company and are both great guys.)

I wish I could say a bit more about him, but I obviously didn't get much time to get to know him. However, I was honored that our president (one of Ace's sons) asked me to write the memorial announcement. I know it wasn't easy for him to work with me on something like that while his dad was so sick, but I think the end result was good, and my boss said he's gotten a lot of feedback on it.

For now, you can see the memorial on our agency site. It's going to act as our front page for a little while.

Now I'm Bill's biggest fan. Get it? Fan?

2007-03-01T09:58:00.000-06:00

The enemy: This granny-panties ceiling fan in my living room.

The hero: Bill, who earnestly loves installing fans and lights. How can you thank a friend like that? By putting the least flattering photo of him on the Internet? Don't mind if I do!

Bill nears completion of Operation ... um ... Fandango!

The final result. Is classy, no?

So what was my role in this whole affair?

Props to Dawn for properly estimating my intelligence and warning me not to burn the old plastic-faux-wood fan blades in my fireplace. Next she's going to tell me to stop grilling indoors.

A wee bit of inside baseball, but still...

2007-02-28T13:29:00.000-06:00

I'm not one to throw stones or hold grudges, but there are a few people who have rubbed me the wrong way in my professional life. And it's an incredibly short list.

The recurring theme with the folks I just cannot like is that they are willing to do almost anything to make themselves look good or to help themselves succeed. And there's just something uniquely frustrating about watching this person prosper while you tell yourself: "In the end, there's nothing more important than your ethics. It's worth being less successful if it means being a better human being."

Why do I bring this up? Well, in my old newspaper chain, there was this one editor who seemed to be an ever-brightening star within the industry. I felt like I was the only one seeing (or at least caring about) his reprehensible ethics.

Well, you can't outrun that forever.

No good conversation starts with, "Sorry we had to meet this way..."

2007-02-28T09:22:00.000-06:00

So work's been kicking my ass this week (and last week), and I was quite excited about a relaxing night at home yesterday. Maybe some podcasting, some TV, some of Karen's leftover birthday cookie cake.

Sadly, no. I walked in the door and Karen said, "Oh good, you're home! I'm worried about Jonas."

Turns out, while she was taking him on his daily walk, Jonas got jumped by a golden retriever-looking dog that usually just barks at him from behind a fence. Luckily, the owner and another neighbor were there to pull the dog off quickly, and Jonas seemed unfazed.

But at home, Karen saw that the wound on Jonas' leg was pretty deep. That was when I came in. I agreed it was pretty serious, and we were able to catch the vet at 5:55 and beg them to stay open.

The vet said the bite had gone down to the bone and nearly separated a tendon in his ankle. She had to put him under, sew him up with nine stitches and give him the stylish bandage you see in the photo above.

The anesthesia was pretty disorienting for Jonas, so he spent much of the night crying. All in all, though, he was a trooper.

As for me, I got to go have a fun conversation with our neighbor. I had never met him, and here I was showing up with a $350 receipt in hand. But he was extremely apologetic and promised to "take care of it." He seems like an earnestly good guy, so hopefully we'll get that money back. If the attack had been just a few minutes later, he might have owed us $1,000 or so for the emergency vet.

Anyway, just had to share our fun evening. To be honest, I still squeezed in some cookie cake and TV. Karen's cousin's girlfriend is in the new series The Black Donnellys, but sadly (we realized halfway through the show) she doesn't appear until the second episode. So keep an eye out next week!

UPDATE: Before I could even hit the "publish" button, I got a call from the other dog's owner. He's working with the vet to reverse the charges on our credit card and switch it over to his. Says he'll call when he's gotten confirmation about it. So huzzah for being neighborly.

UPDATE 2: Karen says the vet bill has been resolved. Woohoo!

'Do you have any plans to make the PS3 not suck so much?'

2007-02-27T10:30:00.000-06:00

I have to admit, I was one of the most pessimistic about the Nintendo Wii. It just sounded like a novelty gimmick with its nunchuck-style controller. But now that I've played it, I understand why it's become such a phenomenon. It's, you know...fun.

At the same time, I've been amazed by the spectacular collapse of the Sony PS3, which follows two generations of incredible success. How did Sony lose out to an unloved corporate megalith like Microsoft (whose 360 is both fun and powerful) and a perennially uncool brand like Nintendo, which didn't even bother to upgrade its graphics technology for the Wii?

I think this guy does a pretty good summary of the whole situation, set to the tune of "How to Save a Life" by The Fray:

Hat tip to Adfreak.

What can nerd do for you today?

2007-02-22T14:14:00.000-06:00

No real deep message here...just a series of coincidences:

On Slate.com today, the main story is illustrated thusly:

Then, a few paragraphs down, there's this headline:

Finally, their "Explainer" piece on real-life tomb raiders begins with this:

Video-game maker Eidos will soon release the 10th-anniversary edition of its classic game Tomb Raider, starring nerd temptress Lara Croft.

So what have we learned? Nerds are dangerous. Nerds are auteurs. Nerds are tempted by cleavage.

I was surprised about the auteurs part.

Dive! Dive! Dive! Now run!

2007-02-21T13:11:00.000-06:00

Check out this British TV spot. The surprise is not the visual trick they pull off, but the fact that they didn't use any digital effects. It's all done with frantically running and diving actors.

You can see how they pulled it off by watching these behind-the-scenes clips.

Tim over at AdFreak wonders why they bothered, when digital effects would be so much easier.

The answer, in my opinion, is found in the fact that I'm writing about this ad, Tim's writing about this ad, etc. I think someone recognized that a trick like this would get good buzz. But does that translate into customers for...um...whatever this product is?

Well, it's one-third right. I am hot.

2007-02-20T14:43:00.000-06:00

Random stat thrown out on the Mental Floss blogs today...

If you’re turning 30 this year, you’re probably good-looking and might have marital problems, because you’re so fickle.

Since Karen and I are both turning 30 this year (she'll hit the landmark in just a few days, while I have a good six months left), this seems doubly pertinent.

But maybe it's that double dose of beauty and fickleness that is offsetting the potential for marital problems. Woo...hoo?

Let's all help out my man Miles.

2007-02-20T14:29:00.000-06:00

New-media guru Joseph Jaffe is having a contest to select his next book cover, and one of the candidates is Miles, a designer I work with here at the agency. He was winning clearly, though one of the other candidates "magically" shot up about 150 votes.

I refuse to play dirty and exploit the admitted frailties in Joseph's voting system, so instead I'm just grubbing for extra votes. Miles' design is included here, and I'm sure he'd appreciate your support.

But as I am a man of principle, I encourage you to vote for the design you feel deserves it most.

Start here and follow the link to the vote. There's no confirmation or anything after you vote, but his blog post includes a link to the current vote tally.

So many Ethiopians, so little room in my inbox.

2007-02-13T12:49:00.000-06:00

Today's Mental Floss blogs included a mention of Spamusement.com, a site where a guy makes cartoons based on the subject lines of spam e-mails he's gotten. It's worth checking out.

The one shown here is called "Your dog will love it!"

But be sure to check out "You were wrong cabinet Sanchez" and "Who will know?"

What's the best subject line in your spam folder right now?

I'd have to say mine is "Over the past year, you have received letters from a number of Ethiopian politicians, academics and citizens backing our claim."

Yes, that's literally just the subject line.

I wonder if they have beer there?

2007-02-09T13:38:00.000-06:00

Well, we've finally booked our long-awaited trip to Prague. If you've known me a while, you know this trip has been a dream of mine for a decade or more. So I'm obviously quite a bit excited.

The plan, roughly, is to fly into Paris this May, pick up our friend Alexia, and take a train to Prague. (It's a 10-day trip.) We then fly back from Prague to Paris, then back home. If you've ever tried something like this, any advice would be appreciated. Our last international trip that didn't involve Canada or Mexico was our honeymoon in Greece, which was pretty easy, since we basically just sat around eating and drinking.

Not much else to say right now, but I did want to share. Please commence the advice, warnings, etc., for long-distance travel in the comments section.

I might be lying to you right now.

2007-02-08T12:27:00.000-06:00

Thanks to the power of Google Alerts, which lets me know when a new Web site or blog post mentions my name, I stumbled across this recent newspaper column mention by my longtime mentor Rich Somerville:

Another regularly visited site is that of a friend, Griner*, who is in his late 20s and has an eclectic (some might say warped) creative side that is manifested through his blog as well as his job as an advertising copywriter.

It's flattering to be mentioned in Rich's column, even if said column does end with the line, "And next time you're reading a blog and think you're getting the gospel truth -- think again."

I assure you, there are quite a few points between A and B. Be sure to check it out. It's an interesting read and a nice insight into the the daily struggles of being a modern newspaper editor.

(*He actually used my full name, but I try to keep references to that at a minimum on this blog. Not for any real reason, though. I know better than to write things on here I would seriously regret.)

Yeah, we actually did fast-forward through parts of the game.

2007-02-05T14:50:00.000-06:00

I really have nothing of interest to say about Super Bowl advertisements. I watched them, I made a drinking game for them...you know, the usual stuff. But probably because of all the industry buzz before and after, I'm just too burned out on the topic to say anything of interest.

But hey look, The Birmingham News interviewed my boss about it! (It's hard to tell, but that article's supposed to be a Q&A.)

Other than that, nothing else to say.

Oh fine, Goulet was my favorite.

Remind me not to be a Russian in the 1800s.

2007-02-02T11:08:00.000-06:00

Picked up a copy of The Idiot by Dostoevsky last night, and I'll probably start in on it in earnest once I finish Rebel Angels. (I'm also reading world history stuff for the impending podcast and two books for work...my readin' brain is spread a little thin.)

Anyway, The Idiot starts off with the usual six or seven prefaces. I was shocked not to find a family tree of major characters and the 17 names for each person.

But it did have a timeline of Dostoevsky's life and a lengthy bio explaining what was going on while he was writing The Idiot and his other stuff.

So what was happening to him? The answer was almost always "bad things."

Here are a few highlights of the big man's life:

• 1821 - Fyodor Dostoevsky is born in a "hospital for the poor" in the worst part of Moscow. His father is both a "violent alcoholic" and a doctor! What a combo! Check out this line from Wikipedia:

There are many stories of Dostoevsky's father's despotic treatment of his children. After returning home from work, he would take a nap and his children, ordered to keep absolutely silent, stood silently by their slumbering father in shifts and swatted flies around his head.

• 1837 - His mom dies from tuberculosis, and Fyodor is sent off to military school.

• 1839 - His dad is murdered, most likely by the serfs he oversaw. And he sounded like such a good guy. Wikipedia says that the peasants drowned him by pouring vodka down his throat while they restrained him. How quaintly Russian!

• 1849 - He's arrested for being a liberal agitator and is sentenced to death. On the day of his execution, as he's standing in the rain and waiting for the firing squad to kill him, he's told that the tsar has commuted the sentence to four years in Siberian exile. Tsar Nicholas I intentionally waited until the last second to maximize the psychological torture of Dostoevsky.

• 1850 - While in a prison camp, he has the first of many epileptic seizures.

• 1854 - He's released from prison -- and promptly forced to enlist in the Siberian Regiment.

• 1864 - His wife dies. And his brother.

• 1860s-70s - He squanders his book advances on his gambling addiction.

• 1881 - He dies of an emphysemic lung hemorrhage/epileptic seizure.

Of course, scattered in there are some of the most incredible books ever written, but still. The one thing that did surprise me is that he kinda sounds like he was a jerk. Slept around quite a bit, gambled his life away, etc.

The only reason that seems strange to me is because the good guys in his books are just so good. I was talking about that with Open(s) Book(s) today at lunch, and she pointed out that it probably tormented him all his life that he could recognize what it takes to be a great person, but he couldn't actually be that person. Heavy.

'That's also not a hair question.'

2007-02-01T16:49:00.000-06:00

Just had to share the footage of the "press conference" held by two men arrested for threatening Boston with terrorism from the moon. My favorite part is how disgusted the reporters sound that the two guys only use their time at the mics to discuss haircuts of the 1970s.

What would you have talked about -- other than Boston's overreaction to Lite-Brites that had been on display for weeks?

Memo to journalists: When you find yourself telling a guy in dreadlocks that he needs to take things seriously, you are officially an ass.

Tim Gunn has left the building.

2007-02-01T13:57:00.000-06:00

The Parsons building, that is. You have to wonder how many of these offers he's turned down since becoming a late-in-life TV superstar.

I'm thinking it's a sign...

2007-02-01T09:33:00.000-06:00

Two interesting things about a new UPS ad campaign, which features a guy doodling things on a white background as he explains the benefits of blah blah blah.

1. The guy is actually the creative director who pitched the idea. This would be like me being hired to do a voice-over for something I've written. It's not unheard of, but it's obscenely rare. AdFreak has some details on how this came about.

2. Check out the music playing on the campaign's Web site. That was just a nice surprise. If you've checked it out and don't recognize it, then you obviously aren't spending enough time listening to me and my brother-in-law playing music in his basement. Oh, and you can watch the video here.

I'm pretty sure it's black, though.

2007-01-31T08:54:00.000-06:00

Me: I'm here to drop off my '96 Golf.

VW Auto Shop Guy: 96?

Me: Yeah.

Guy: 96? (Looks out window at my car.) You sure?

Me: Um...yes?

Guy: I think that's a 99.

Me: Uh.

Random Mechanic (goes outside and looks at my car, comes back): That's a 99.

Guy: Whew. I thought I was going crazy.

Me: I'm obviously very connected to this car.

The long road and the short road to absolute power.

2007-01-30T09:33:00.000-06:00

In a strange coincidence, there were two news stories today about presidents amassing more power. One was Bush. The other was his nemesis (OK, one of his nemeses), Hugo Chavez of Venezuela.

I just thought it was interesting to see what we consider an expansion of power here:

The New York Times leads with a look at an executive order issued by President Bush last week that ultimately gives the White House more power to control the rules and guidance documents issued by government agencies. These rules are designed to protect such things as public health and the environment, and they have traditionally been the work of career civil servants and experts. But now, under the new order, a presidential appointee will run an office within each agency to supervise their development.

Versus in South America:

Now, (Chavez) is about to become even more powerful — the all-Chavista National Assembly is poised to approve a "mother law" as early as Wednesday enabling him to remake society by presidential decree. In its latest draft, the law would allow Chavez to dictate measures for 18 months in 11 broad areas, from the "economic and social sphere" to the "transformation of state institutions."

Man, that's how it's done! Bush, take a memo.

Oh hey, if you guys need any more ideas, you could try setting fire to your own legislature.

Where are my freaking pants?!

2007-01-29T08:58:00.000-06:00

For the AquaTeen Hunger Force fans among you:

While I wonder how you can make a full-length movie from a 15-minute TV show, I'm actually more bothered by the fact that they stole the trailer gag from Team America: World Police.

Update: Cheers to Tim over at AdFreak for showing that my rant about cartoons is actually pertinent industry analysis.

Pilotless airplane, pilotless airplane, pilotless airplane, pilotless airplane.

2007-01-26T13:44:00.000-06:00

The San Francisco Chronicle has begun podcasting angry reader phone calls through a feature called "Correct me if I'm wrong."

In case you wonder what each of my 35 daily voicemails sounded like when I was an editor, be sure to check it out.

(Even if you don't wonder, be sure to listen to it. It's what the kids call "a hoot.") Thanks to Greg for pointing it out.

'Oh, we just use the singles to mop out the mocha bucket.'

2007-01-26T10:06:00.001-06:00

I went into a Starbucks yesterday, which has become a relatively rare event since I have pretty good coffee at work now and I get 50% off the Starbucks we sell at the bookstore.

So anyway, I went up to the register and noticed that one of the two full-to-the-brim tip jars was topped with two $20 bills.

Me: "Wow, you have some good customers."

Guy: "Oh, we just have to consolidate it so it all fits in the jars."

Me: *Strangles guy*

I sell the same coffee as this guy and likely make better espresso drinks (because I make them with love, and Starbucks makes them with corporate greed). But I get -- at best -- a buck a night in tips.

Why? Because B&N doesn't allow tip jars. Why? Who knows? I personally think it's so that booksellers don't feel the cafe people get an unfair money-making advantage.

Claypits mentioned yesterday that she never knows whether to tip in places like coffee shops. The answer is a resounding yes, especially if you're at B&N. It's the only place I've worked where a 25-cent tip makes you the best customer of the day.

But if the guy's got two twenties stacked precariously on a wad of bills, you can give him the tip -- of your elbow! Aw yeah.

Sorry, Dawn, I don't think Will is going to make it through Season 1.

2007-01-26T09:29:00.000-06:00

Friend Evan sends word that HBO has bought the rights to make George R.R. Martin's books into a TV series.

For those of you who haven't plowed through at least 1,000 of Martin's 4,000 pages in the "Song of Ice and Fire" series, I can only describe it as a character-driven fantasy epic that's light on magic and heavy on medieval politics. I know, doesn't that sound great?! Well, you just have to trust me that it is.

His fans are obviously going apeshit over on his blog, where he has long warned that a movie version of his series would be logistically impossible. A high-budget series, though...I think it's doable. There's little in the way of dramatic special effects since magic plays such a small role. But there would be quite a bit of siege warfare and other not-so-cheapness.

Before we get too excited, we should all remember that there's a wide gap between selling the film/TV rights and actually making the thing. I always think of The Alienist, which was quickly optioned for film in 1994. Thirteen years later, there's still no movie, and author Caleb Carr doesn't seem to think there will be.

But I remain hopeful for George R.R.R.R. Martin, if for no other reason than that people like him deserve to be popular with people who don't have morning stars mounted on their walls.

If you'd like to someday join us in scoffing at HBO's bastardization of this series, go out and pick up "A Game of Thrones." I know, I know, you don't read fantasy. Neither do I, but I made a big fat exception for this one.

Just, you know, be ready for some not-so-PG shenanigans. If you need further warning, I can tell you what the "R.R." stands for.

Who is Canada's most famous writer?

2007-01-25T09:38:00.000-06:00

This question arose this morning with friend Open(s) Book(s) as I was telling her that I'm reading Robertson Davies, whom I described as the clear leader in Canadian literature. (He's shown here, looking, as always, like God.)

Of course, in my proud tradition of sounding more confident than I am, I decided to research Davies' real standing. O.B. countered with Margaret Atwood and Alice Munro, and I admit they probably have better name recognition internationally than Davies.

But let's leave this up to Google, shall we?

If you Google "Most famous Canadian writer," you get such storied figures as:
• Stephen Leacock (?)
• Richard Scrimger (??)
• Lucy Maud Montgomery (Give you a hint..."___ of Green Gables")
• John Glassco (?!)
And yes, some sci-fi strumpet named
• Margaret Atwood

Obviously, Google is the wrong tool here, like using nunchucks on a zombie.

But enough poking eventually turned up a Wikipedia page about Canadian literature.

I would point out that Robertson Davies' picture is the first one you see, but in all honesty, I feel this paragraph sums it up best:

Arguably, the best-internationally-known living Canadian writer (especially after the recent passing of Canadian greats, Robertson Davies and Timothy Findley) is Margaret Atwood, a prolific novelist, poet, and literary critic. This group, along with Alice Munro, who has been called the best living writer of short stories in English,[2] were the first to elevate Canadian Literature to the world stage.

So there you go.

In case you're curious, the book I'm reading right now is The Rebel Angels, part of Davies' Cornish Trilogy. If you're thinking about picking him up for the first time, I would start with Fifth Business, his famous (in Canada) first installment in the Deptford Trilogy.

Bow before the Google.

2007-01-23T13:14:00.000-06:00

I wrote the following e-mail manifesto for the folks at my ad agency, to help motivate my more technophobic colleagues to embrace new technology. I thought some of you might also get something out of it, so here you go...

Dearest friends and colleagues,

Maybe you’ve heard, but Google is taking over the world.

I, for one, welcome our new overlord. In recent months, Google has launched or streamlined some of the coolest stuff you’ve ever seen in your life. For serious.

In case you’ve been preoccupied by less important things like family, work or America’s Next Top Model, I’ve compiled a brief summary of some of these new Web tools and how they can make you better at everything you do.

Let’s get started!

• Name: Google Reader
• Address: www.google.com/reader
• What it is: A site that collects updates from all your favorite blogs, news sites and other Web pages.
• Why it's cool: You no longer have to bookmark a few dozen sites and click on each to see if the page has been updated. Breaking news and blog postings are sent to you as soon as they’re posted. Instead of cluttering your e-mail inbox, they’re all collected on Google Reader. Yes, it’s just one of many RSS aggregators, but it’s an easy and convenient one.
• How it can make you a better advertising professional: You can follow all those snazzy advertising and marketing blogs without having to check back constantly and see if some slacker consultant/author/visionary has bothered to update his or her site.

• Name: Google Calendar
• Address: www.google.com/calendar
• What it is: A visual depiction of days, weeks, months, etc., organized in a convenient 30-day, Sunday-Saturday format. You know, a calendar.
• Why it's cool: Sure, it’s just a calendar, but it’s one you can access from anywhere, meaning you can update it from anywhere. It also has tons of swank features, like being able to search for public events (aka local concerts) and add them to your calendar. Hey, maybe you have a Blackberry. You know what I have? A habit of losing small, expensive things. So I like this one.
• How it can make you a better advertising professional: You’ll actually notice that you booked yourself for four meetings at 9 a.m. tomorrow. And you’ll remember that wine tasting your spouse wanted to go to but only mentioned that one time and then got all mad because you totally forgot and you can be so inconsiderate sometimes. You’ll just become a better person all around.

• Name: Google Docs & Spreadsheets
• Address: docs.google.com
• What it is: Basically it’s Microsoft Word and Excel. Except free, and accessible from almost any computer on the planet.
• Why it's cool: If you ignore everything else in this e-mail, remember this. You just log in, tell if whether you want to make a text file or a spreadsheet, and get started. No download, no frustration. You can save and close it at any time and pull it up from any computer with Internet access. Kiss attachments goodbye. You can keep the documents private or share them with coworkers or friends, who can also be “collaborators”
• How it can make you a better advertising professional: Well, I can tell you what it does for me. I can start writing something here, update it from home, have another writer log in and write suggestions, revise it and send to my boss, all without ever opening an e-mail program. It’s not perfect for everything, but it’s about as flexible as you can get.

• Name: Blogger
• Address: www.blogger.com
• What it is: The dominant free blog-hosting site.
• Why it’s cool: I know, I know, Blogger’s been around a long while. But Google recently finished their beta test of “the new Blogger,” which added tons of improvements. You can now drag and drop features onto your blog; you can make your blog private so your boss...er, I mean your industry competitors...can’t read it; and you can run multiple unique blogs from one Gmail address. You have a Gmail account, right? Let me know if you don’t. I’ve got about 96 invites left.
• How it can make you a better advertising professional: If you’ve never contributed to a blog, then you’ll never be truly comfortable with the potential that blogs offer our clients. Until you poke around with it yourself, it will always seem like a foreign concept. We don’t have that luxury. Our clients look to us to understand this stuff, and it all starts here. Heck, just start a blog, post on it, then erase it forever. Trust me, it’s easier than you think.

Other Google sites that are cool but I don’t have time to explain thoroughly:

• Google Alerts (www.google.com/alerts) — E-mails you updates whenever there are new results for your favorite search terms. Don’t be the last person on the Internet to read something about your client, our agency or that video of you at the Widespread Panic concert.
• Google Earth (earth.google.com) — Although this one requires a free download, it’s an incredible way to look at the world (or your neighborhood). I can’t even begin to explain the absolutely endless opportunities for this. An academic friend of mine is using it to improve emergency response times for accidents. We could probably use it to sell granola bars.
• Google Patents (www.google.com/patents) — Did you know my dad holds a patent for a “system for the measurement of ultra-low stray light levels”? Neither did I. But hey, here it is. I chose to end on this site not because I think it expands our advertising acumen, but because it expands our understanding of the sheer enormity of this information revolution. And because it shows my dad is crazy smart.

Thanks for your time,
Griner

(Note: My dad has since e-mailed me a lengthy explanation of how he simply filed the patent application, and the root work was not his. This does not sway me from my opinion that he's a brilliant guy. I also probably totally misrepresent Bill's work on response times. The moral is, I don't really understand what any of you do for a living.)

I could, however, recognize a Belgian beer glass.

2007-01-23T11:09:00.000-06:00

Hey, do you guys get paid to look at ads every day? Well if you do, have I got a treat for you. (If you don't, then, you know, check it out whenever.)

Old Spice has launched a pretty intense new campaign to try to get guys younger than my dad wearing their...um, whatever. So visit the site, and whatever you do, don't forget to check out the "Training" and "Test" portions.

You can feel free to post your test result in the comments section. (My rating shown here is from a score of 74%. I totally could not identify the major cuts of beef.)