Once more unto the trivia breach.

Yay, quiz time again. I doubt this one will be much of a challenge for you brainiacs, but here goes...

1. What enigmatic slang phrase, meaning "get lost," supposedly originated from cops shouting at perverts outside a New York landmark?

2. What was the quaint name for consensual cannibalism by stranded shipwreck survivors? It was sometimes used as a defense against subsequent murder charges.

3. Which close friend of H.P. Lovecraft helped ensure the writer's works were published posthumously? This friend even finished some of Lovecraft's incomplete works.

4. What coastal territory has been a point of political debate involving Britain and Spain since the two battled over it 300 years ago? It even led the Spanish king to snub Prince Charles quite publicly. Bonus: What was the snub?

5. What was the name given to a 9-year period in U.S. history when tension between political parties died down almost to the point of placidity? Of course, it exploded again in a big way, and then there was that whole Civil War thing...

As usual, e-mail your answers to griner (at) gmail (dot) com, and I'll post the answers early next week.

Nibble nibble.

Just a cute oversized postcard I did with designer Miles Wright for the Virginia Samford Theatre. Miles has done some wicked stuff for them, and they've been super happy with all the brochures and stuff we've made this season.

As always, click to see the full-sized image.

I'm most proud of the Crabs shirt.

So I saw today that MSNBC (it's been a while since I picked on them) had a story on a groundbreaking, first-of-its-kind trend: kids are wearing edgy -- sometimes offensive -- T-shirts.

No, it's true.

Of course, I don't doubt the validity of this permanent trend, but I was curious what kinds of shirts MSNBC would choose to profile. The answer basically confirmed my longtime complaint that when journalists discuss morality, they end up sounding like a grumpy retired vice principal.

Here's one of the article's many titilating case studies:

One popular merchant of suggestive shirts is Hollister Co., a chain owned by Abercrombie & Fitch. Its shirts say such things as "two boys for every girl" and "FLIRTING MY WAY TO THE TOP."

WHOAH, sorry I didn't warn you that was totally not safe for work.

I mean, come on, this stuff is less racy than a '60s beach-blanket movie. I think the Tool shirt I wore in high school was more disturbing than this.

Don't get me wrong. I fully believe there are offensive shirts out there, marketed to teens. And if I were an educator/parent/codger, some of them would give me pause. I mean, if a kid wore this shirt to school, I might understand objections. (Don't worry, no nudity on that one. Just a little F bomb.)

Other examples of salacious shirts from the article:
"yes, but not with u!"
"Your Boyfriend Is a Good Kisser"
"My Boyfriend Is a Good Kisser."
"TRUST ME..I'M SINGLE"
"I KNOW WHAT BOYS WANT"
"Single and Ready to Mingle"
"Pimps" (My personal favorite)
"Don't Call Me a Cowgirl Until You See Me Ride"

I would like to challenge the establishment with these T-shirts of my own writing:
"I'll do anything if it's yodled."
"Tuck it in. Or out."
"Low self esteem!"
"Two words: Camp site."
"I'm not teh gay, but OMG ym gf is!"
"No, but maybe after church."
"Crabs"

What about you guys? Any phrases that'll make us rich off these sex-crazed kids before their generation ages and this trend never again re-emerges?

I give 'BloodRayne' four stars. Now please don't hurt me.

So, I can't say I believed this at first, but I suppose this proves it's real.

The setup: "Director" Uwe Boll, who made such cinematic masterpieces as "House of the Dead" (based on a video game) and "BloodRayne" (also based on a video game), challenged his detractors to a boxing match. He selected five finalists and then literally beat the snot out of them in a Canadian boxing ring.

Here's the footage of him beating down on Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka, who runs the site Something Awful. Below that, be sure to read the quote from Kyanka.



Kyanka's quote, from a Canadian article:

"I feel great. I feel like a very angry German man punched me in the head repeatedly," said the 30-year-old CEO for the Something Awful website.
"He kept saying it was PR stunt and a joke, but then he comes on just murderizing me. I want to have more kids someday, so I just said, 'I'm not going to stay in here and keep getting punched in the head.' "

Thanks to Claypits for letting me know about this...um...thing.

Incendiary bullets are demanding a recount.

OK, here are the answers to last Friday's quiz. Slim turnout, but the respondents did seem to nail quite a few of the answers, and this one was a bit of a toughy.

1. Question: In 1915, German zeppelins were wreaking havoc on the British. One of the main reasons these giant explosive floating targets were successful was because British pilots generally could only destroy them by dropping bombs on them from extreme heights. What technological innovation turned the tide in Britain's favor?

Answer: Synchronization gear (or interrupter gear). Until synchronization gear was developed, early military aircraft couldn't fire bullets through their propellers, which basically meant they had to bomb the high-flying zeppelins, which were also guarded by a thicket of machine guns. Once synchronization gear was in place (yes, along with the much-guessed incendiary ammunition), blimps lost their air superiority.

Only Bill got this one, and incendiary bullets were also his first guess. I admit that the bullets were a good answer, but they wouldn't do much good if you couldn't shoot them. Oh, and today's photo is a Wikipedia shot of what happens to a propeller without synchronization. I'm assuming it was a malfunction, and they didn't just press their luck trying to time those shots just right.

Bonus question: What badass was the first to actually bring a zeppelin down with bombs?
Answer: Reginald Alexander John Warneford. His story reads like an action flick. He chased the zeppelin, dodged its machine gun fire and hit it with his bombs. The thing exploded, flipping his plane and stalling the engine. He emergency landed in enemy-controlled Belgium, fixed his fighter, and made it back home. He earned the Victoria Cross but sadly died in an accident 10 days after destroying the zeppelin.

Everyone got that answer. Jolly good!

2. Question: The recent discovery of a prehistoric child's skeleton in Ethiopia has renewed interest in Australopithecus afarensis, an ancient ancestor of ours who walked on two legs but was otherwise pretty monkey-ish. There was a similar ape-man genus that came along later than the afarensis but died off as an evolutionary dead end. Some theorize that this genus had too limited of a diet (grubs and plants) to adapt as well as the omnivorous Homo genus that led to us. So what was this mystery genus?

Answer: Paranthropus. Some confusion on this one, for understandable reasons. I was originally going to ask about Australopithecus bosei (which is what I describe in the question), but while researching it, I learned that it had been moved to another genus: Paranthropus. It sounds like this is still being debated, but it made for some good reading.

Everyone got this one, sort of. Claypits got it on her first guess, Bill on his second. Greg guessed "Australopethicus robustus" but recognized that it would be a different species, not genus. His response: "I remembered my answer to #2 from an old Cartoon History of the Universe book. How dare scientists change their mind!!!"

3. Question: In the movie "Real Genius," (how's that for a smooth transition?) Val Kilmer's character recommends nudity as a solution to what potential problem?

Answer: Loss of gravity. Claypits sent on the quote via IMDB:

Chris Knight: Would you prepared if gravity reversed itself? The only thing I can't figure out is how to keep the change in my pockets. I've got it. Nudity.

Everyone got this, but Claypits admitted she hadn't actually seen the movie...which is criminal. Strange sidenote: The guy who played Lazlo Hollyfeld was Uncle Rico in Napolean Dynamite. Huh.

4. Question This week's coup in Thailand has generally gone better for the military than a coup a few years back in which South American country? Hint: The replacement president was unable to retain his office for even 48 hours.

Answer: Venezuela. President Hugo Chavez was replaced by Pedro Carmona for a mere 47 hours. Strangely, Chavez believes the CIA was closely involved in the coup attempt. Our government involved in overthrowing a populist South American leader?! Crazy talk!

5. Question: What magic-oriented "fraternity" was founded in the late 1800s, included famous writers along with the world's most notorious Satanist, and continues today as a Florida nonprofit?

Answer: The Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn. Of course, the Satanist was Aleister Crowley. Writers included William Butler Yeats. Today, the order is carried on by the Florida-based Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn Inc.. Anybody else think this was the inspiration for the Mythic Dawn cult in the video game Oblivion?

Thanks to everyone who submitted answers, by which I mean, thanks Bill, Greg and Claypits! Each time I try to crank up the difficulty, you guys still rise to the occasion. I'll try to offer you a real challenge next time...

Blimps, ape-men, nudity...it's quiz time!

Because you've all been so patient, and I've had relatively little to talk about -- it's a new Cafe Asteria Quiz Contest! E-mail your answers to me at griner (at) gmail (dot) com, and I'll announce the winners early next week.

1. In 1915, German zeppelins were wreaking havoc on the British. One of the main reasons these giant explosive floating targets were successful was because British pilots generally could only destroy them by dropping bombs on them from extreme heights. What technological innovation turned the tide in Britain's favor?
EDIT: Two people have guessed "explosive bullets," but that's not what I'm looking for. A great answer, though, and it sounds like that did help...after this technology was added.
Bonus question: What badass was the first to actually bring a zeppelin down with bombs?

2. The recent discovery of a prehistoric child's skeleton in Ethiopia has renewed interest in Australopithecus afarensis, an ancient ancestor of ours who walked on two legs but was otherwise pretty monkey-ish. There was a similar ape-man genus that came along later than the afarensis but died off as an evolutionary dead end. Some theorize that this genus had too limited of a diet (grubs and plants) to adapt as well as the omnivorous Homo genus that led to us. So what was this mystery genus?

3. In the movie "Real Genius," (how's that for a smooth transition?) Val Kilmer's character recommends nudity as a solution to what potential problem?

4. This week's coup in Thailand has generally gone better for the military than a coup a few years back in which South American country? Hint: The replacement president was unable to retain his office for even 48 hours.

5. What magic-oriented "fraternity" was founded in the late 1800s, included famous writers along with the world's most notorious Satanist, and continues today as a Florida nonprofit?

Three cheers for unethical business practices!

These posters likely will never see the light of day (sigh...t'is a common ending for my more zany stuff), but the client did love them. Click on each to read it, then read my note on the bottom.






Basically, the theater loved the posters, but the production company balked at promoting the show for some reason. Oh well, now it's just portfolio filler for me and the designer.

Strong like bull.

A bit late on these, but here are some photos from the great log-split-o-thon at my house two weeks ago. Several friends and relatives turned out to help us break down the massive dead hickory from our front yard. Anyway, on to the pics:

This was the base of the tree, so it was the largest part. Probably weighed in excess of 200 pounds. From left are friends Eric, Nimish and Jamey, with me on the far right. The log splitter uses 27 tons of pressure, but it still couldn't make it through some of the dense logs.

Jamey helps move logs across the yard from where the tree was felled to the carport, where we were operating the log splitter.

I don't know how to count cords of wood, so I'll just explain what we ended up with. There actually is another pile of the same size behind this one. There was a smaller pile nearby in the back, a pickup FULL of wood, and another massive pile in the carport. Of course, none of that counts the branches that were left by the street and eventually picked up by the city.

Big thanks to my parents, Karen, Nimish, Eric, Disa, Jamey, Evan, Greg, and Valerie. Also, thanks to Bill and my parents for actually taking some of the wood. Sorry if I missed anybody. It was quite a large endeavor.

Job security. Woohoo!

Sorry for the lengthy pause between posts, which led loyal Asterian Bill to send me this delightful image:



Anyway, some of you may remember my minor panic when, shortly after starting at the agency, I learned that our largest client was merging with another bank.

Why was this scary? Because the post-merger bank could easily decide to go with another agency, including the hotshot Atlanta agency that was representing the other bank.

Well, good news. We won the post-merger account, meaning that our largest client is now considerably larger, so we should be in good shape for a while. Speaking of which, I should have some more fun stuff to show you all soon, but as I've said before, things move slowly in the advertising world.

More to come, and sooner than later this time.

He'll feel even better after he punches a barrel and it disappears.

Very random post here. It's just been a long time since The Onion made me laugh. Today, mission accomplished.

Yes Virginia, there is a deep-fried hamburger.

Continuing my new-found obsession with frying a hamburger, I did some intense research today. OK, so I googled "deep-fried hamburgers."

I was shocked, SHOCKED to discover that the vibrant niche of restaurants that specialize in fried burgers can be found right here in Alabama. Specifically, it seems to be centered around Decatur and Athens (where my parents live in the northern reach of the state).

Here's an article on the phenomenon.

Of interest to my upcoming experiment (next Wednesday is fried-burger Wednesday) is this section:

It seems simple, but it is not, according to the cooks. NeSmith and her sister, Betty Garrison, have cooked about every NeSmith hamburger in the past 20 years.

"You have to know exactly how much meat to put in your hand," NeSmith explained. "If you get it too thick, the hamburger won't cook to the inside. Cooking is an art."

Depending on how hot the grease is, NeSmith said, it takes between 13 and 15 minutes to cook each hamburger.

So it sounds like they're just dropping patties into the oil and letting em fry for quite a while. I might try that, but we had also discussed breading it in corn-dog batter and frying it. Now, if it takes 15 minutes to fry these things, that would scorch the hell out of the batter. I can't think of anything breaded I've fried that long and didn't burn.

So what to do? It sounds like thin patties are the answer, but where's the fun in that? Dare we pre-cook the burger with a sear? Would that be any more effective? Would any breading actually stick to seared meat? Probably.

Put on your thinking hats, people. How are we going to do this?

The photo, btw, is some random girl eating a "deep-fried hamburger" at a North Carolina fair. They seem to have used breading and a stick, which I'd ideally like to avoid (though Asterian reader Greg has proposed using the stick, then removing it and eating it on a bun).

UPDATE: A co-worker from Decatur said he's eaten many a Penn's burger (mentioned in the article). He said he "loved them as a kid, but I wouldn't touch them with a 10-foot pole now." The burgers are a half-and-half mix of breading and meat, squished together and fried. They're then set aside and fried again to warm it up when you order one. The texture is very soft, unless you ask for it "extra crispy," he said. Personally, this isn't what I want to try...

Did you HEAR?! The violence in Sudan's Kordofan Province worsened overnight!

I think I can say without a doubt that every single person in America was talking about the Crocodile Hunter this weekend. Maybe you were off in a desert on a solo death ride or something, but you sure as hell heard about it first thing when you got back.

It was the conversational shocker at the family party with my in-laws in Wisconsin. It was the buzz of the airport. Even the Scottish teenagers were talking about it in the forums of my favorite online zombie game.

And who can blame them/us/everybody? It's a great story. An international adventure icon, an Errol Flynn throwback to the days of pith helmets, is stabbed in the heart. To death. By a STINGRAY.

So it was with a loudly confused "bwah?" that I noted this excerpt today from Howard Kurtz's media chat at WashingtonPost.com.

Washington, D.C.: I find it bizarre, depressing, and not just a little telling about the sorry state of American TV news that Steve Irwin led the NBC news last night. I know he's a high-profile guy, and I don't quibble with the story being included in the news, but come on. Sudan, Iraq, Afghanistan... These are somehow less important than Irwin's death and examining the new threat of sting rays?

Howard Kurtz: Two words: Labor Day. Look, I wouldn't have led with it -- and I wonder if Brian Williams would have if he hadn't had the day off-- but there was not a lot of hard news yesterday.

There you have it, ladies and gentlemen. I spent years trying to explain to people what's wrong with American newspapers. And it's right there, tied in a little elitist bun.

People want intrigue and excitement from their newspapers. They want stories they can buzz about, stories that stick with them. They don't want heinously boring, broad-stroke journalism with headlines like "Compromise hopes dim as Iran dismisses sanction threats."

God bless him, but the Croc Hunter dying is a great story. It's a frigging Doc Savage dime novel, and I've been following it like a vulture over a limping chubby hiker. But alas, until newspapers learn that great stories aren't defined by geopolitical impact, they'll just keep dwindling into irrelevance like a grumpy racist uncle shaking his fist on the porch.

Surely someone's tried it.

OK, don't ask why, but today I'm obssessing over a strange culinary question: Why don't you ever see fried hamburgers?

It just seems like a common-sense way to wreak havoc on your digestive system. I mean, it seems that if you breaded a hamburger patty and fried it in hot oil, it would have to be disgustingly good. Or would it just trap all the grease inside and get all nasty?

Has anyone tried this? If not, how would you do it? What do you think it would be like?

(And yes, I Googled it, but the only recipes were for lightly floured "Chicken Fried Hamburger" that was really just sauteed/seared. I'm talking about serious frying here.)