Let's get ready to jumble!

So a few months back, Karen proposed a small yard sale to get rid of excess junk around the house. I personally didn't think we had enough to justify the work of a yard sale, but then my sister found a new house, effectively stocking us with a driveway full of pretty good stuff.

This past weekend was the yard sale. (Or as they say in the U.K., "jumble sale," which my British friend Cait wants me to popularize in America....although I didn't risk putting that on the signs.)

It was a somewhat epic amount of work, but the result was about $630 in profit. (We spent roughly $100 on the newspaper ad, signs and prizes for friends who helped set up).

The experience itself was great, too. I actually had a lot of fun. People were nice, and just about everything sold.

But if you ever find yourself wanting to host a garage/yard/jumble sale, let me share a few tips while they're fresh in my memory.

What we did right:

* Warned away early birds. We had a "No early birds" line in our ad, and we put a sign at the end of the driveway the night before. That seemed to keep people from knocking on our door at 5 a.m. (which I hear is a regular occurrence).

* Offered free coffee. It was easy to make and set out, and it seemed to make folks happy and encouraged them to stick around longer.

* Had HUGE signs. I borrowed some large sandwich boards from my agency and covered them with poster board that we had colored with markers. They ended up dwarfing every other pitiful yard sale sign. I know most people don't have access to these, but you should at least try to scrounge for something similar in size and effectiveness.

* Had a clothing rack. Last time we did a yard sale, we stacked clothes on a table. This time, thanks to a clothing rack we borrowed from Karen's office, they seemed to sell a lot better. They also obviously saved precious table space.

* Had lots of grocery bags and cardboard boxes on hand. The boxes proved especially useful.

* Priced low. Our goal was to move stuff, and we did. If you price low, you stand the best chance of getting rid of most things in the first hour. Be strong, and forget what you or your mother-in-law paid for that porcelain sauerkraut cooker or whatever.

* Priced simply. $1 for adult clothes. 50 cents for baby clothes. The only exception was $3 for jackets.

*Didn't have a cash box. We carried the money in fanny packs and dropped off large wads of cash inside when it started to get full. This eliminated the stress of watching a money box all day.

* Arranged tables by topic, not by price. This just seemed to help people find what they were looking for, then buy lots of it. It can be tempting to bunch by price, but it's pretty worthless.

* Played music. It made it a bit less creepy and easier for people to talk to each other about my stuff in front of me.

* Cut boxes in half to hold books. This was my personal accomplishment. We had tons of books, but I didn't just want them stacked messily on a table. So I cut some cardboard boxes horizontally, then sealed the top or bottom. Poof! Suddenly you have a bunch of shallow boxes that were perfect for books, CDs, etc.

What sold well:
* Tools. By far the big winner, especially power tools. Sold before we opened.
* Small appliances. (Be sure to have an outlet for people to test them.)
* Computer and video game peripherals.
* DVDs. (Thanks, Dad!)
* Books -- especially cookbooks and paperbacks (we charged 50 cents a piece).
* Holiday stuff. (October was a good month for that.)
* Bathroom stuff, aka "Health and Beauty." Everything sold but a comb.
* Furniture.
* Guns. I didn't have any, but people kept asking all day.

What didn't sell well:
* Reference books. Total waste of space, except the dictionary and the Bible.
* Board games.
* Flower pots. Didn't sell one (out of about 15).
* Coffee mugs.
* Candles.
* Slim clothes. (Although it was worth it to see the look on women's faces when they held up Karen's shirts.)

Well I hope all that helps you guys out if/when you decide to tackle one. I definitely think it was worth the effort, but it'll be a while before I have the energy to tackle it again.

If you find yourself waffling about whether to have one, just picture this little stash of pot-dealer cash:

More news from my childhood (kinda).

Sure, my mom is friends with a bunch of astronauts. She has been as long as I've known her. This in and of itself has never impressed me.

But back when I was a video game junkie (er, in my early days as a video game junkie), my mother found a way to truly impress me. I was reading an article about Richard Garriott, creator of the Ultima video game series, and it mentioned that his games always included a silver serpent medallion because he actually wore one every day. The only time he didn't wear it was when his father took it into space.

Wait a second, into space? I asked mom, and sure enough, she knew Richard's dad, astronaut Owen Garriott. Holy crap, I was one degree away from the guy who made my favorite game! OK, so maybe it was still two or three degrees, but still.

Mom sent me an e-mail the other day saying that Richard is finally living his dream and going up into space himself. Now the story's starting to pop up in my blog feeds. (The photo above comes from a New York Times story that mentions Richard also owns a Sputnik. Good for him.)

But what confused me was today's entry in Gadling, a travel blog I read daily. They never mention the fact that Richard Garriott was one of the first software millionaires. In fact, check out this bit from the blog post:

If the name Garriot sounds familiar, think Owen Garriot. Owen Garriot, is a retired NASA astronaut who spent time aboard Skylab and Spacelab-1 is his dad. Next year's trip will be the first time an American astronaut's kid has headed to space.

I don't know how much weight I should give that blog entry anyway, since it misspelled Garriott on all references. But even in the NYT story I linked to above, Richard is referred to in the headline as just a "Texas man."

So now I'm not sure whether to feel bad that I think of Richard as the far bigger celebrity, or feel good that my mom is friends with the dad. One thing is clear: I don't really come out ahead in either scenario. Maybe I'd feel better if I had my own Sputnik.

Hey Emily, take notes from a real poet.

As we pored through boxes for our upcoming yard sale (more on that soon), Karen and I dug up some real treats. One of my favorites was "The Write Stuff: 1987-1988," the literary magazine from my fifth-grade year.

I think it will become apparent in the following poem that I was an exceptionally gifted poet, and some of you might find yourself shocked or even angry at the fact that I didn't pursue this as a career. The experimental rhyme scheme, the nontraditional metaphor...I may have reached my creative peak at age 10.

Undertow

Once there was a little man
Sitting on the beach.
A big wave came along.
He was afraid.
It turned him white like bleach.

It sucked him out into the water
Taken away he was.
He was treading water poorly
When he asked himself
"Is this what a dolphin does?"

He was swimming rather well
When a whale nudged him in the leg.
He looked for something to hold on to
When he saw a keg.
So he laid on top of it.

Finally he came to a shore.
As he got to the beach of ice
He stated "Gah!"
He had started out in South America
And ended up in Canada.

Now, as pleased as I am with the work of child Griner, I have to say I was actually outdone by other kids in my school. Check out this opening line from a fourth-grader's short story:

One day a robot named E.L. Fudge found a crystal that breakdanced.

I'll just let you imagine the rest.

Behold, an online bible for coffee nerds.

If you knew me in college, chances are you knew that each of my days was divided thusly:

• 1/4th asleep.
• 1/4th in classes.
• 1/4th working at student newspaper.
• 1/4th hanging out at Lakota Coffee Co.

Lakota was almost solely responsible for both my epic love of coffee and my unshakable desire to open a coffee shop. It was relaxing, warm and quiet — a combination that's just about impossible to come by in a college town.

Sure, it was the preferred hangout of professors and grad students, not undergrads like myself, but that's probably what has kept Lakota alive while countless other coffee shops in Columbia have failed.

Anyway, getting to the point, I was working on an AdFreak item today about NOSO, a somewhat-serious effort to break people away from social networking. You can read more about it on their site, but basically they recommend you find a nice quiet place to relax and invite other NOSO users to show up as well — but not ever join you or talk to you.

I was instantly reminded of Lakota, where I saw the same people every day but never talked to any of them. Even the staff didn't know my name after four years of daily visits, but that's just the kind of vibe it is. Friends would join me there on occasion, but most times it was just a nice introverted break from the daily chaos of college.

But I'm still not getting to the point. After reading about NOSO, I decided to Google Lakota and make sure it was still there. Not only is it alive and well, but they've even started a separate Web site to teach people about coffee.

The site — Specialty-Coffee-Advisor.com — reads like an ad for a book. But in fact, they just put all the info out there for anyone who's willing to read.

It's a virtual encyclopedia of coffee learnin', with tips for the daily coffee drinker and the professional roaster alike. (I hope to be both someday.)

You can read about:
• How to grind beans properly.
• How to store coffee.
• The real meaning of "organic" and "fair trade."
• A thorough definition of coffee types.
• Brewing tips that justify my own preferences. (See mom? I told you you're not supposed to be able to see the bottom of the cup.)

I don't mean to sound so blatantly promotional, but I know that several of you share my zeal for coffee, and it can be difficult to find one reliable source of information about this stuff. In the end, the site is likely aimed at getting potential coffee shop owners to hire Lakota's operators as consultants. In that respect, I'm sold as well.

Now I just need a Web site with tips on how to raise $250,000 in a few short years. Hey, what a coincidence, I just got an e-mail from a kind-hearted bank president in Nigeria...

Bush has a plan for zombies to eat U.S. beef.

I've got a few things to blog about in the near future (like the Griner 30th birthday festivities, which are still in full swing).

But until then, you'll have to subsist on this bit of YouTube awesomeness:

Not dead. Just resting.

Sad to say, the Cafe is probably going to remain a dusty, tumbleweed kind of place for a few weeks more. I'm loaded with intense amounts of work, and I'm trying to devote any free writing energy to AdFreak, where I'll also be helping as guest editor this month.

So don't cancel your RSS feed or erase your bookmark, but also don't expect a lot of action over here. I'll still try to post when I can, preferably with items of more substantial girth than "hey look, something funny!" I'd also like to rekindle my podcast idea. So many things to do! So little desire to sit in front of a computer and do them!

Cheers,
Griner

25 and sleepy? Sign me up!

A snippet from an IM chat with friend Valerie today:

Me: Check out this message that just got through my Gmail spam filter: "Hi! I am tired today. I am 25 y.o. girl that would like to chat with you."

Valerie: awesome
hee
I know how much you like tired girls

Me: Every good solicitation starts with an expression of fatigue.

You guys might not know this...

...but I am SO an industry notable.

Have a great weekend, all.

Meet Ruby!

She's my new niece, and my only goddaughter! Weighing in at a healthy 7 pounds, 5 ounces, she's the first kid for my sister Stacy and her husband, Jamey.

Thank you, Wikipedia.

(Click image to see larger.)

I plan to use this pronunciation from now on.

Ah, much better.

Our recent trip put me up two whole percentage points. Well that, and remembering that I honeymooned in Greece. Still a lot of room for improvement.

Well good news. I finally got my bag, which had been waylaid at Heathrow for weeks (with my camera inside). Fun stories of international intrigue to come next week.

Have a great weekend, all.

The house just isn't the same without her.

For those who haven't heard, we lost a beloved family member today.

Our younger cat, Callie, recently suffered sudden kidney failure. Today, we learned that all the vet's best efforts over the past four days were having little effect, and Callie's condition was bound to take a turn for the worse. So we put her to sleep just before noon today.

I'm not sure what to write about. The intense grief of losing a healthy 7-year-old cat? The anger we feel that it might have been caused by contaminated food that was never recalled? Or on the upbeat side, the fact that Callie's adoption in 2000 was the first good excuse I came up with to visit Karen's apartment back when I had a crush on her?

How about I just say this:

She was wonderful, and I miss her very much.

"I, no no no no. No, what I said..."

Again, I promise to share some vacation stories, but there continues to be a hold up. My camera, along with my souvenirs and a healthy batch of my clothing, is still somewhere between Heathrow and my house. Supposedly. Until then, more random thoughts...

When Karen and I got engaged in Boston, back in the heady days of 2002, it just happened to be the weekend that the Patriots finally won the Super Bowl.

Being in an Irish pub in Boston, watching the Pats win, was truly an awesome experience. We emerged from the pub to find the entire city in rapture, a sprinting mass of people hugging each other and howling with glee.

The next day, we stopped by the Patriots' victory parade. Tens of thousands of people turned out to welcome home their champions, and the mood was again one of unbounded joy. As the parade dispersed, the crowd spontaneously began chanting in unison, as if they were all of one mind, one voice.

And what did they chant?

"Yankees Suck! Yankees Suck!"

This was my first real introduction to the depth of rivalry between the Red Sox and the Yankees. It runs so deep, a Patriots celebration is as good a reason as any to boo a baseball team in New York.

Because of this, I was able to appreciate the inherent humor in Gov. Bill Richardson's spectacular implosion on "Meet the Press." Slate's coverage notes that the painfully awkward interview ended with Tim Russert's softball question about the Red Sox, which presidential candidate Richardson still botched dramatically.

So with that lengthy prelude, I present you with the transcript of Richardson's closing:

MR. RUSSERT: You spent a lot of time in, in Massachusetts. Are you a Red Sox fan?

GOV. RICHARDSON: I’m a Red Sox fan, but I got into trouble in New Hampshire. You know why? Because I said...

MR. RUSSERT: Luis Tiant, the fund-raiser. But, now, governor, this is very serious. In your book on page 18 it says...

GOV. RICHARDSON: No, about Mickey Mantle?

MR. RUSSERT: You said you’re a Yankee fan!

GOV. RICHARDSON: No, no, no. I said—no, no, no.

MR. RUSSERT: I mean, you can, you can...

GOV. RICHARDSON: No, no, no, no.

MR. RUSSERT: ...you can have different views on immigration, assault weapons...

GOV. RICHARDSON: I, no no no no. No, what I said...

MR. RUSSERT: But when it comes to Red Sox, Yankees.

GOV. RICHARDSON: What I said, the Associated Press asked me, “If you weren’t running for president, if you weren’t running for president, what would you rather be?” I’ve always been a Red Sox fan, but I said if I weren’t running for president I would like to be number seven, Mickey Mantle, playing center field for the New York Yankees.

MR. RUSSERT: “Because of Mickey Mantle, I became a Yankee fan.”

GOV. RICHARDSON: I, my favorite team has always been the Red Sox.

MR. RUSSERT: You’re a Red Sox fan.

GOV. RICHARDSON: I’m a Red Sox fan.

MR. RUSSERT: End of subject.

GOV. RICHARDSON: End of subject.

MR. RUSSERT: You better get rid of this book.

GOV. RICHARDSON: Oh, no! I’m also a Yankee fan. I also like...

MR. RUSSERT: Oh, now, wait a minute!

GOV. RICHARDSON: You can—Tim...

MR. RUSSERT: I guarantee...

GOV. RICHARDSON: No, I know, I got in trouble...

MR. RUSSERT: ...if you go—if you go to Yankee Stadium or Fenway, you cannot be both.

GOV. RICHARDSON: But I like—Mickey Mantle was my hero. If I weren’t running for president, and the Associated Press asked me, I’d play center field for the New York—I wanted to be number seven. And—but I still love the Red Sox as a team. I mean, this is the thing about me, Tim. I can bring people together. I can unify people.

MR. RUSSERT: Yankee fans and Red Sox fans?

GOV. RICHARDSON: Yes.

MR. RUSSERT: Not a chance.

I feel like 38% of a man.

OK, I'm back and will be posting a few thoughts and insights on my trip to Europe pretty soon.

But first, I have to share two disappointing facts I learned about myself today:

38%

(Apparently, compassion for loved ones and strangers in peril does nothing good for your score.)

and

I am 90% Addicted to Coffee

Just 90%? Sigh. Be right back...gotta go refill...

I'm afk.

Talk to you again around May 23.

OK, I lied. THIS is humbling.

Well this is humbling.

Hey, who knows...after Germany and Prague this month, I might be up to 3%.

If you want, click on the button to make your own, and post the link in the comments. (Posting the code for the map doesn't work.)

My talk with the Swampers.

It's that time of the month again....time to show you the new video clips from The Year of Alabama Arts.

This time, I have to say, it's probably the coolest set yet. These are from my interview with two members of the Muscle Shoals Rhythm Section. They're the ones Lynyrd Skynyrd referred to in "Sweet Home Alabama" when they said, "Muscle Shoals has got the Swampers."

The Swampers are studio musicians who recorded and played on everything from Aretha Franklin's "Respect" to Skynyrd's "Free Bird." Despite all their success, they are still wonderful, humble guys. Enjoy!

Baby robots! Baby effin robots!

I'm feeling more and more like a local these days. I think a major part of that is going to the same events as last year.

This weekend's Magic City Art Connection was even better than a year ago. Weather was perfect, the collection of artists was diverse, and, of course, we got a framed print of the Best. Painting. Ever.



It's called "Where do baby robots come from?" and it's by former Birmingham resident John Lytle Wilson. Check out his stuff. All great. But of course, we own his best work.

For the record, this isn't me...

But don't get me wrong, I'm proud of the guy.

What's your best practical advice?

First off, I've officially started writing for AdFreak, in case any of you were waiting for a signal flare to start reading it or add it to your RSS reader. I'll probably be posting 3-5 times a week.

But there's not much meat on that bone, so we'll move on to a livelier topic:

What is the most practical advice you've ever been given? Stuff that's just all-around good to remember?

Let's see, I've got...

• On driving: "Always accelerate when changing lanes." - My sister.
• On driving (and life): "When you're steering between obstacles, don't look at the obstacles or you'll hit them. Look between them." -My mom.
• On drinking: "Never mix dairy and booze." - Myself, after an unfortunate "White Russian Night."
• On life choices: "Don't ever get divorced twice and then decide to go to grad school on student loans." -My mentor.

What have you guys got?

Ur

I can't quite explain why I so love the Internet phenom phrase, "I'm in ur base, killing ur d00ds."

Variations on the theme are just about the only text messages I enjoy sending, such as when my brother-in-law was meeting me for lunch, and I texted him, "I'm in ur base, eating ur bread."

Well, Mental Floss has delved into the issue pretty thoroughly. (Mostly as a good excuse to show funny pictures of cats.) So if you've never laughed along with me at things like this...



...then you should probably read the Floss post.

'I was just glad Alabama didn't have polar bears and smoke monsters. Whew!'

I feel like I have several ideas for deep, thought-provoking and tremendously entertaining blog posts. But sadly, I lack the time to piece them into anything of consequence.

So instead, you get an exclusive look at the TV commercial I spent the past few months working on for The Year of Alabama Arts. It even features Michael Emerson, who plays Ben/Henry on "Lost." Huzzah!



Yes, I realize there's no obvious "writing" for this spot, but I did do the interviews. Except the one with Emerson. We had to hire some folks out in Hawaii to do that. Oh well.

A mere 317 posts later, blogging pays off.

So it looks like I'll be going national ... dare I say international? ... with this blogging thing.

No, not with this blog specifically. Cafe Asteria will remain an intentionally unfocused writer's journal for friends, family and some chick in Calgary.

Here's the deal: I've been asked to be a writer for what I can honestly say is my favorite advertising blog, AdFreak. It's a part-time gig, of course, so it's not like I'm leaving agency life behind.

I think this will be a great opportunity. For one, it's flattering that they approached me with the idea. For two, my boss is cool with it...as long as I hold off starting until we launch our current behemoth of a campaign. For three, I think it builds street cred for my agency to have someone involved with a blog this respected.

So thanks to all of you for keeping me blogging, thanks to Tim at AdFreak for giving me a shot, and thanks to the bookstore for being so understanding when I quit last night.

I'll keep you guys posted on when I actually start up with AdFreak, so that I can start mining you all for good ideas. As I said, it'll be a few weeks. Until then, you should still read it. That way you'll know that, yes, even MTV spots featuring hookers are fair game. I know, I know...when doesn't MTV feature hookers, right?

I will soon begin stumping for an age cap of 28.

Got some unexpected props today, when the president of my agency announced I had won the annual "Rookie Award." I think he had some very nice things to say about my work, but I was a little too surprised to hear what it was.

It was great recognition, but I also thought it was funny to be a 29-year-old Rookie of the Year. It left me wondering who held the record for Oldest Rookie of the Year.

The good news is, it's not me.

In baseball, which seems the most rookie-obsessed sport, the title generally goes to Sam Jethroe. His story is pretty interesting.

He was one of the first three Negro League players who tried out for the Major Leagues, but none of the three, including Jackie Robinson, was hired from the tryout. Soon Jethroe was picked up by the Boston Braves, and his first year earned him the National League Rookie of the Year honor.

That was 1950, Jethroe was 32, and he has held the "oldest" title ever since. The oldest rookie in the sport was another Negro League veteran, Satchel Paige, who pitched his first Major Leagues game at 42.

But the real hero I discovered today was Connie Madigan. After a lengthy stint in minor-league hockey, Madigan played his first game in the pros at age 38.

So what makes Madigan so great? His record of being the oldest NHL rookie can never be beat. That's right. Never.

Why? Check out this tidbit:

Barring a rule change, the record will technically stand forever. Due to the large influx of Russian players in the late '80s, the NHL limited its definition of rookie to players 26 and under. (Source)

So there you go. Were I a professional hockey player, I would be out of luck. But at 145 pounds, I'd probably also be dead.

Blogging Griner quotient doubles. Science textbooks pulled for emergency revisions.

Big congratulations to my wife, Karen, who has joined the exciting world of blogging. She even started off strong, with a post that's simultaneously thought-provoking, sad and uplifting.

Personally, my favorite part of her blog is that her "about me" section ends with, "That's all you need to know for now." It helps give everyone an insight into the unique challenges I faced in courting her.

Enjoy! Oh and yes, I'm still besieged by work, so the blog updates remain soundly on the back burner. Maybe Karen will pick up the slack.

Vader's comic genius.

Sorry for the very few posts lately, but work is eating me like Cookie Monster with a bag of ... um .... broccoli?

Anyway, here's a clip that gave me a much-needed laugh-until-I'm-openly-weeping moment today:



Via Mental Floss.

Debunk'd!

Has anyone else heard that the Cookie Monster was changed to the Veggie Monster on Sesame Street?

I was told that by someone very matter-of-factly a few weeks back, and I promptly started asking people whether that was true. I pictured a green version of CM, which would really just look like Oscar, sans trash can.

No one could tell me if it was true, probably because I am not yet at the point in life where my friends find themselves watching Sesame Street.

Strangely, Snopes.com rides to the rescue. Turns out, it is all just a myth/misunderstanding/paranoia. There was even an online petition, signed by thousands, aimed at boycotting Sesame Street until the Cookie Monster returned. Crazy.

Cookie Monster even denounced the media for the misunderstanding. Check out this exchange with Matt Lauer, quoted by the Snopes article:

Cookie Monster: Me like fruit.


Matt Lauer: And there you have it. Cookie Monster likes fruit, and not cookies.


Monster: No! You members of the media blow story way out of proportion! Me still like cookies!


Lauer: Then why fruit?


Monster: Why not fruit? It delicious! And healthy. Me still eat cookies, like me world-famous for doing, but now me eat other things, too.

Yeah, I realize it was probably staged, but that doesn't stop me from laughing about Cookie Monster saying "members of the media blow story way out of proportion."

So, um... there you go.

Carry on octopus sir

I'm a big fan of my friend Adam Stoves' art. But it wasn't until I was looking at his stuff online the other day that I noticed how great his rarely seen titles are.

So here are a few of my favorites. I didn't include the pictures, so that you could focus on the names. But just click on any one to see the art.

a man whose face was so priceless that it was preserved through obliteration

carry on sir. carry on octopus. carry on octopus sir.

a creature birthed from a collection of discarded boxes

man, deaf and bored by the nature of things, has again embellished this place.

the wedded couple, after much deliberation, makes a grandiose exit

how to tell who of them are the imposters

For more of Adam's work, check out his Flickr photo page or his MySpace page. Oh, and there is my crappy video of Adam's recent one-man show. Enjoy.

Bless his heart, he's a beautiful flower.

Poor Jonas. He couldn't resist biting off his bandage, so today the vet exiled him to coneville.

This is apparently the new kind of "soft" cone. He supposed to wear it at all times, but I don't think he deserves to be walked around the neighborhood in that.

More folk artists, comin' atcha.

We've posted some new videos from my interviews with Alabama artists.

These feature Woodie Long, who is a fascinating guy. He grew up picking strawberries and cotton for his sharecropper dad. Although you'd think he had it rough, he actually has tremendously fond memories of this time, and that's mostly what he paints.

Anyway, enjoy:



To see more of the interview clips, check out our YouTube channel.

Sad times at the agency.

Sadly, the founder of my company died yesterday. I know most of you haven't heard of Robert "Ace" Luckie, but he was still a frequent sight in our office and always remained interested in what we were up to. (His sons now run the company and are both great guys.)

I wish I could say a bit more about him, but I obviously didn't get much time to get to know him. However, I was honored that our president (one of Ace's sons) asked me to write the memorial announcement. I know it wasn't easy for him to work with me on something like that while his dad was so sick, but I think the end result was good, and my boss said he's gotten a lot of feedback on it.

For now, you can see the memorial on our agency site. It's going to act as our front page for a little while.

Now I'm Bill's biggest fan. Get it? Fan?

The enemy: This granny-panties ceiling fan in my living room.



The hero: Bill, who earnestly loves installing fans and lights. How can you thank a friend like that? By putting the least flattering photo of him on the Internet? Don't mind if I do!



Bill nears completion of Operation ... um ... Fandango!



The final result. Is classy, no?



So what was my role in this whole affair?



Props to Dawn for properly estimating my intelligence and warning me not to burn the old plastic-faux-wood fan blades in my fireplace. Next she's going to tell me to stop grilling indoors.

A wee bit of inside baseball, but still...

I'm not one to throw stones or hold grudges, but there are a few people who have rubbed me the wrong way in my professional life. And it's an incredibly short list.

The recurring theme with the folks I just cannot like is that they are willing to do almost anything to make themselves look good or to help themselves succeed. And there's just something uniquely frustrating about watching this person prosper while you tell yourself: "In the end, there's nothing more important than your ethics. It's worth being less successful if it means being a better human being."

Why do I bring this up? Well, in my old newspaper chain, there was this one editor who seemed to be an ever-brightening star within the industry. I felt like I was the only one seeing (or at least caring about) his reprehensible ethics.

Well, you can't outrun that forever.

No good conversation starts with, "Sorry we had to meet this way..."

So work's been kicking my ass this week (and last week), and I was quite excited about a relaxing night at home yesterday. Maybe some podcasting, some TV, some of Karen's leftover birthday cookie cake.

Sadly, no. I walked in the door and Karen said, "Oh good, you're home! I'm worried about Jonas."

Turns out, while she was taking him on his daily walk, Jonas got jumped by a golden retriever-looking dog that usually just barks at him from behind a fence. Luckily, the owner and another neighbor were there to pull the dog off quickly, and Jonas seemed unfazed.

But at home, Karen saw that the wound on Jonas' leg was pretty deep. That was when I came in. I agreed it was pretty serious, and we were able to catch the vet at 5:55 and beg them to stay open.

The vet said the bite had gone down to the bone and nearly separated a tendon in his ankle. She had to put him under, sew him up with nine stitches and give him the stylish bandage you see in the photo above.

The anesthesia was pretty disorienting for Jonas, so he spent much of the night crying. All in all, though, he was a trooper.

As for me, I got to go have a fun conversation with our neighbor. I had never met him, and here I was showing up with a $350 receipt in hand. But he was extremely apologetic and promised to "take care of it." He seems like an earnestly good guy, so hopefully we'll get that money back. If the attack had been just a few minutes later, he might have owed us $1,000 or so for the emergency vet.

Anyway, just had to share our fun evening. To be honest, I still squeezed in some cookie cake and TV. Karen's cousin's girlfriend is in the new series The Black Donnellys, but sadly (we realized halfway through the show) she doesn't appear until the second episode. So keep an eye out next week!

UPDATE: Before I could even hit the "publish" button, I got a call from the other dog's owner. He's working with the vet to reverse the charges on our credit card and switch it over to his. Says he'll call when he's gotten confirmation about it. So huzzah for being neighborly.

UPDATE 2: Karen says the vet bill has been resolved. Woohoo!

'Do you have any plans to make the PS3 not suck so much?'

I have to admit, I was one of the most pessimistic about the Nintendo Wii. It just sounded like a novelty gimmick with its nunchuck-style controller. But now that I've played it, I understand why it's become such a phenomenon. It's, you know...fun.

At the same time, I've been amazed by the spectacular collapse of the Sony PS3, which follows two generations of incredible success. How did Sony lose out to an unloved corporate megalith like Microsoft (whose 360 is both fun and powerful) and a perennially uncool brand like Nintendo, which didn't even bother to upgrade its graphics technology for the Wii?

I think this guy does a pretty good summary of the whole situation, set to the tune of "How to Save a Life" by The Fray:



Hat tip to Adfreak.

What can nerd do for you today?

No real deep message here...just a series of coincidences:

On Slate.com today, the main story is illustrated thusly:




Then, a few paragraphs down, there's this headline:



Finally, their "Explainer" piece on real-life tomb raiders begins with this:

Video-game maker Eidos will soon release the 10th-anniversary edition of its classic game Tomb Raider, starring nerd temptress Lara Croft.

So what have we learned? Nerds are dangerous. Nerds are auteurs. Nerds are tempted by cleavage.

I was surprised about the auteurs part.

Dive! Dive! Dive! Now run!

Check out this British TV spot. The surprise is not the visual trick they pull off, but the fact that they didn't use any digital effects. It's all done with frantically running and diving actors.



You can see how they pulled it off by watching these behind-the-scenes clips.

Tim over at AdFreak wonders why they bothered, when digital effects would be so much easier.

The answer, in my opinion, is found in the fact that I'm writing about this ad, Tim's writing about this ad, etc. I think someone recognized that a trick like this would get good buzz. But does that translate into customers for...um...whatever this product is?

Well, it's one-third right. I am hot.

Random stat thrown out on the Mental Floss blogs today...

If you’re turning 30 this year, you’re probably good-looking and might have marital problems, because you’re so fickle.

Since Karen and I are both turning 30 this year (she'll hit the landmark in just a few days, while I have a good six months left), this seems doubly pertinent.

But maybe it's that double dose of beauty and fickleness that is offsetting the potential for marital problems. Woo...hoo?

Let's all help out my man Miles.

New-media guru Joseph Jaffe is having a contest to select his next book cover, and one of the candidates is Miles, a designer I work with here at the agency. He was winning clearly, though one of the other candidates "magically" shot up about 150 votes.

I refuse to play dirty and exploit the admitted frailties in Joseph's voting system, so instead I'm just grubbing for extra votes. Miles' design is included here, and I'm sure he'd appreciate your support.

But as I am a man of principle, I encourage you to vote for the design you feel deserves it most.

Start here and follow the link to the vote. There's no confirmation or anything after you vote, but his blog post includes a link to the current vote tally.

So many Ethiopians, so little room in my inbox.

Today's Mental Floss blogs included a mention of Spamusement.com, a site where a guy makes cartoons based on the subject lines of spam e-mails he's gotten. It's worth checking out.

The one shown here is called "Your dog will love it!"

But be sure to check out "You were wrong cabinet Sanchez" and "Who will know?"

What's the best subject line in your spam folder right now?

I'd have to say mine is "Over the past year, you have received letters from a number of Ethiopian politicians, academics and citizens backing our claim."

Yes, that's literally just the subject line.

I wonder if they have beer there?

Well, we've finally booked our long-awaited trip to Prague. If you've known me a while, you know this trip has been a dream of mine for a decade or more. So I'm obviously quite a bit excited.

The plan, roughly, is to fly into Paris this May, pick up our friend Alexia, and take a train to Prague. (It's a 10-day trip.) We then fly back from Prague to Paris, then back home. If you've ever tried something like this, any advice would be appreciated. Our last international trip that didn't involve Canada or Mexico was our honeymoon in Greece, which was pretty easy, since we basically just sat around eating and drinking.

Not much else to say right now, but I did want to share. Please commence the advice, warnings, etc., for long-distance travel in the comments section.

I might be lying to you right now.

Thanks to the power of Google Alerts, which lets me know when a new Web site or blog post mentions my name, I stumbled across this recent newspaper column mention by my longtime mentor Rich Somerville:

Another regularly visited site is that of a friend, Griner*, who is in his late 20s and has an eclectic (some might say warped) creative side that is manifested through his blog as well as his job as an advertising copywriter.

It's flattering to be mentioned in Rich's column, even if said column does end with the line, "And next time you're reading a blog and think you're getting the gospel truth -- think again."

I assure you, there are quite a few points between A and B. Be sure to check it out. It's an interesting read and a nice insight into the the daily struggles of being a modern newspaper editor.



(*He actually used my full name, but I try to keep references to that at a minimum on this blog. Not for any real reason, though. I know better than to write things on here I would seriously regret.)

Yeah, we actually did fast-forward through parts of the game.

I really have nothing of interest to say about Super Bowl advertisements. I watched them, I made a drinking game for them...you know, the usual stuff. But probably because of all the industry buzz before and after, I'm just too burned out on the topic to say anything of interest.

But hey look, The Birmingham News interviewed my boss about it! (It's hard to tell, but that article's supposed to be a Q&A.)

Other than that, nothing else to say.





Oh fine, Goulet was my favorite.

Remind me not to be a Russian in the 1800s.

Picked up a copy of The Idiot by Dostoevsky last night, and I'll probably start in on it in earnest once I finish Rebel Angels. (I'm also reading world history stuff for the impending podcast and two books for work...my readin' brain is spread a little thin.)

Anyway, The Idiot starts off with the usual six or seven prefaces. I was shocked not to find a family tree of major characters and the 17 names for each person.

But it did have a timeline of Dostoevsky's life and a lengthy bio explaining what was going on while he was writing The Idiot and his other stuff.

So what was happening to him? The answer was almost always "bad things."

Here are a few highlights of the big man's life:

• 1821 - Fyodor Dostoevsky is born in a "hospital for the poor" in the worst part of Moscow. His father is both a "violent alcoholic" and a doctor! What a combo! Check out this line from Wikipedia:

There are many stories of Dostoevsky's father's despotic treatment of his children. After returning home from work, he would take a nap and his children, ordered to keep absolutely silent, stood silently by their slumbering father in shifts and swatted flies around his head.

• 1837 - His mom dies from tuberculosis, and Fyodor is sent off to military school.

• 1839 - His dad is murdered, most likely by the serfs he oversaw. And he sounded like such a good guy. Wikipedia says that the peasants drowned him by pouring vodka down his throat while they restrained him. How quaintly Russian!

• 1849 - He's arrested for being a liberal agitator and is sentenced to death. On the day of his execution, as he's standing in the rain and waiting for the firing squad to kill him, he's told that the tsar has commuted the sentence to four years in Siberian exile. Tsar Nicholas I intentionally waited until the last second to maximize the psychological torture of Dostoevsky.

• 1850 - While in a prison camp, he has the first of many epileptic seizures.

• 1854 - He's released from prison -- and promptly forced to enlist in the Siberian Regiment.

• 1864 - His wife dies. And his brother.

• 1860s-70s - He squanders his book advances on his gambling addiction.

• 1881 - He dies of an emphysemic lung hemorrhage/epileptic seizure.

Of course, scattered in there are some of the most incredible books ever written, but still. The one thing that did surprise me is that he kinda sounds like he was a jerk. Slept around quite a bit, gambled his life away, etc.

The only reason that seems strange to me is because the good guys in his books are just so good. I was talking about that with Open(s) Book(s) today at lunch, and she pointed out that it probably tormented him all his life that he could recognize what it takes to be a great person, but he couldn't actually be that person. Heavy.

'That's also not a hair question.'

Just had to share the footage of the "press conference" held by two men arrested for threatening Boston with terrorism from the moon. My favorite part is how disgusted the reporters sound that the two guys only use their time at the mics to discuss haircuts of the 1970s.



What would you have talked about -- other than Boston's overreaction to Lite-Brites that had been on display for weeks?

Memo to journalists: When you find yourself telling a guy in dreadlocks that he needs to take things seriously, you are officially an ass.

Tim Gunn has left the building.

The Parsons building, that is. You have to wonder how many of these offers he's turned down since becoming a late-in-life TV superstar.

I'm thinking it's a sign...

Two interesting things about a new UPS ad campaign, which features a guy doodling things on a white background as he explains the benefits of blah blah blah.

1. The guy is actually the creative director who pitched the idea. This would be like me being hired to do a voice-over for something I've written. It's not unheard of, but it's obscenely rare. AdFreak has some details on how this came about.

2. Check out the music playing on the campaign's Web site. That was just a nice surprise. If you've checked it out and don't recognize it, then you obviously aren't spending enough time listening to me and my brother-in-law playing music in his basement. Oh, and you can watch the video here.

I'm pretty sure it's black, though.

Me: I'm here to drop off my '96 Golf.

VW Auto Shop Guy: 96?

Me: Yeah.

Guy: 96? (Looks out window at my car.) You sure?

Me: Um...yes?

Guy: I think that's a 99.

Me: Uh.

Random Mechanic (goes outside and looks at my car, comes back): That's a 99.

Guy: Whew. I thought I was going crazy.

Me: I'm obviously very connected to this car.

The long road and the short road to absolute power.

In a strange coincidence, there were two news stories today about presidents amassing more power. One was Bush. The other was his nemesis (OK, one of his nemeses), Hugo Chavez of Venezuela.

I just thought it was interesting to see what we consider an expansion of power here:

The New York Times leads with a look at an executive order issued by President Bush last week that ultimately gives the White House more power to control the rules and guidance documents issued by government agencies. These rules are designed to protect such things as public health and the environment, and they have traditionally been the work of career civil servants and experts. But now, under the new order, a presidential appointee will run an office within each agency to supervise their development.

Versus in South America:

Now, (Chavez) is about to become even more powerful — the all-Chavista National Assembly is poised to approve a "mother law" as early as Wednesday enabling him to remake society by presidential decree. In its latest draft, the law would allow Chavez to dictate measures for 18 months in 11 broad areas, from the "economic and social sphere" to the "transformation of state institutions."

Man, that's how it's done! Bush, take a memo.

Oh hey, if you guys need any more ideas, you could try setting fire to your own legislature.

Where are my freaking pants?!

For the AquaTeen Hunger Force fans among you:



While I wonder how you can make a full-length movie from a 15-minute TV show, I'm actually more bothered by the fact that they stole the trailer gag from Team America: World Police.

Update: Cheers to Tim over at AdFreak for showing that my rant about cartoons is actually pertinent industry analysis.

Pilotless airplane, pilotless airplane, pilotless airplane, pilotless airplane.

The San Francisco Chronicle has begun podcasting angry reader phone calls through a feature called "Correct me if I'm wrong."

In case you wonder what each of my 35 daily voicemails sounded like when I was an editor, be sure to check it out.

(Even if you don't wonder, be sure to listen to it. It's what the kids call "a hoot.") Thanks to Greg for pointing it out.

'Oh, we just use the singles to mop out the mocha bucket.'

I went into a Starbucks yesterday, which has become a relatively rare event since I have pretty good coffee at work now and I get 50% off the Starbucks we sell at the bookstore.

So anyway, I went up to the register and noticed that one of the two full-to-the-brim tip jars was topped with two $20 bills.

Me: "Wow, you have some good customers."

Guy: "Oh, we just have to consolidate it so it all fits in the jars."

Me: *Strangles guy*

I sell the same coffee as this guy and likely make better espresso drinks (because I make them with love, and Starbucks makes them with corporate greed). But I get -- at best -- a buck a night in tips.

Why? Because B&N doesn't allow tip jars. Why? Who knows? I personally think it's so that booksellers don't feel the cafe people get an unfair money-making advantage.

Claypits mentioned yesterday that she never knows whether to tip in places like coffee shops. The answer is a resounding yes, especially if you're at B&N. It's the only place I've worked where a 25-cent tip makes you the best customer of the day.

But if the guy's got two twenties stacked precariously on a wad of bills, you can give him the tip -- of your elbow! Aw yeah.

Sorry, Dawn, I don't think Will is going to make it through Season 1.

Friend Evan sends word that HBO has bought the rights to make George R.R. Martin's books into a TV series.

For those of you who haven't plowed through at least 1,000 of Martin's 4,000 pages in the "Song of Ice and Fire" series, I can only describe it as a character-driven fantasy epic that's light on magic and heavy on medieval politics. I know, doesn't that sound great?! Well, you just have to trust me that it is.

His fans are obviously going apeshit over on his blog, where he has long warned that a movie version of his series would be logistically impossible. A high-budget series, though...I think it's doable. There's little in the way of dramatic special effects since magic plays such a small role. But there would be quite a bit of siege warfare and other not-so-cheapness.

Before we get too excited, we should all remember that there's a wide gap between selling the film/TV rights and actually making the thing. I always think of The Alienist, which was quickly optioned for film in 1994. Thirteen years later, there's still no movie, and author Caleb Carr doesn't seem to think there will be.

But I remain hopeful for George R.R.R.R. Martin, if for no other reason than that people like him deserve to be popular with people who don't have morning stars mounted on their walls.

If you'd like to someday join us in scoffing at HBO's bastardization of this series, go out and pick up "A Game of Thrones." I know, I know, you don't read fantasy. Neither do I, but I made a big fat exception for this one.

Just, you know, be ready for some not-so-PG shenanigans. If you need further warning, I can tell you what the "R.R." stands for.

Who is Canada's most famous writer?

This question arose this morning with friend Open(s) Book(s) as I was telling her that I'm reading Robertson Davies, whom I described as the clear leader in Canadian literature. (He's shown here, looking, as always, like God.)

Of course, in my proud tradition of sounding more confident than I am, I decided to research Davies' real standing. O.B. countered with Margaret Atwood and Alice Munro, and I admit they probably have better name recognition internationally than Davies.

But let's leave this up to Google, shall we?

If you Google "Most famous Canadian writer," you get such storied figures as:
• Stephen Leacock (?)
• Richard Scrimger (??)
• Lucy Maud Montgomery (Give you a hint..."___ of Green Gables")
• John Glassco (?!)
And yes, some sci-fi strumpet named
• Margaret Atwood

Obviously, Google is the wrong tool here, like using nunchucks on a zombie.

But enough poking eventually turned up a Wikipedia page about Canadian literature.

I would point out that Robertson Davies' picture is the first one you see, but in all honesty, I feel this paragraph sums it up best:

Arguably, the best-internationally-known living Canadian writer (especially after the recent passing of Canadian greats, Robertson Davies and Timothy Findley) is Margaret Atwood, a prolific novelist, poet, and literary critic. This group, along with Alice Munro, who has been called the best living writer of short stories in English,[2] were the first to elevate Canadian Literature to the world stage.

So there you go.

In case you're curious, the book I'm reading right now is The Rebel Angels, part of Davies' Cornish Trilogy. If you're thinking about picking him up for the first time, I would start with Fifth Business, his famous (in Canada) first installment in the Deptford Trilogy.

Bow before the Google.

I wrote the following e-mail manifesto for the folks at my ad agency, to help motivate my more technophobic colleagues to embrace new technology. I thought some of you might also get something out of it, so here you go...

Dearest friends and colleagues,

Maybe you’ve heard, but Google is taking over the world.

I, for one, welcome our new overlord. In recent months, Google has launched or streamlined some of the coolest stuff you’ve ever seen in your life. For serious.

In case you’ve been preoccupied by less important things like family, work or America’s Next Top Model, I’ve compiled a brief summary of some of these new Web tools and how they can make you better at everything you do.

Let’s get started!

• Name: Google Reader
• Address: www.google.com/reader
• What it is: A site that collects updates from all your favorite blogs, news sites and other Web pages.
• Why it's cool: You no longer have to bookmark a few dozen sites and click on each to see if the page has been updated. Breaking news and blog postings are sent to you as soon as they’re posted. Instead of cluttering your e-mail inbox, they’re all collected on Google Reader. Yes, it’s just one of many RSS aggregators, but it’s an easy and convenient one.
• How it can make you a better advertising professional: You can follow all those snazzy advertising and marketing blogs without having to check back constantly and see if some slacker consultant/author/visionary has bothered to update his or her site.

• Name: Google Calendar
• Address: www.google.com/calendar
• What it is: A visual depiction of days, weeks, months, etc., organized in a convenient 30-day, Sunday-Saturday format. You know, a calendar.
• Why it's cool: Sure, it’s just a calendar, but it’s one you can access from anywhere, meaning you can update it from anywhere. It also has tons of swank features, like being able to search for public events (aka local concerts) and add them to your calendar. Hey, maybe you have a Blackberry. You know what I have? A habit of losing small, expensive things. So I like this one.
• How it can make you a better advertising professional: You’ll actually notice that you booked yourself for four meetings at 9 a.m. tomorrow. And you’ll remember that wine tasting your spouse wanted to go to but only mentioned that one time and then got all mad because you totally forgot and you can be so inconsiderate sometimes. You’ll just become a better person all around.

• Name: Google Docs & Spreadsheets
• Address: docs.google.com
• What it is: Basically it’s Microsoft Word and Excel. Except free, and accessible from almost any computer on the planet.
• Why it's cool: If you ignore everything else in this e-mail, remember this. You just log in, tell if whether you want to make a text file or a spreadsheet, and get started. No download, no frustration. You can save and close it at any time and pull it up from any computer with Internet access. Kiss attachments goodbye. You can keep the documents private or share them with coworkers or friends, who can also be “collaborators”
• How it can make you a better advertising professional: Well, I can tell you what it does for me. I can start writing something here, update it from home, have another writer log in and write suggestions, revise it and send to my boss, all without ever opening an e-mail program. It’s not perfect for everything, but it’s about as flexible as you can get.

• Name: Blogger
• Address: www.blogger.com
• What it is: The dominant free blog-hosting site.
• Why it’s cool: I know, I know, Blogger’s been around a long while. But Google recently finished their beta test of “the new Blogger,” which added tons of improvements. You can now drag and drop features onto your blog; you can make your blog private so your boss...er, I mean your industry competitors...can’t read it; and you can run multiple unique blogs from one Gmail address. You have a Gmail account, right? Let me know if you don’t. I’ve got about 96 invites left.
• How it can make you a better advertising professional: If you’ve never contributed to a blog, then you’ll never be truly comfortable with the potential that blogs offer our clients. Until you poke around with it yourself, it will always seem like a foreign concept. We don’t have that luxury. Our clients look to us to understand this stuff, and it all starts here. Heck, just start a blog, post on it, then erase it forever. Trust me, it’s easier than you think.

Other Google sites that are cool but I don’t have time to explain thoroughly:

• Google Alerts (www.google.com/alerts) — E-mails you updates whenever there are new results for your favorite search terms. Don’t be the last person on the Internet to read something about your client, our agency or that video of you at the Widespread Panic concert.
• Google Earth (earth.google.com) — Although this one requires a free download, it’s an incredible way to look at the world (or your neighborhood). I can’t even begin to explain the absolutely endless opportunities for this. An academic friend of mine is using it to improve emergency response times for accidents. We could probably use it to sell granola bars.
• Google Patents (www.google.com/patents) — Did you know my dad holds a patent for a “system for the measurement of ultra-low stray light levels”? Neither did I. But hey, here it is. I chose to end on this site not because I think it expands our advertising acumen, but because it expands our understanding of the sheer enormity of this information revolution. And because it shows my dad is crazy smart.

Thanks for your time,
Griner


(Note: My dad has since e-mailed me a lengthy explanation of how he simply filed the patent application, and the root work was not his. This does not sway me from my opinion that he's a brilliant guy. I also probably totally misrepresent Bill's work on response times. The moral is, I don't really understand what any of you do for a living.)

I could, however, recognize a Belgian beer glass.

Hey, do you guys get paid to look at ads every day? Well if you do, have I got a treat for you. (If you don't, then, you know, check it out whenever.)

Old Spice has launched a pretty intense new campaign to try to get guys younger than my dad wearing their...um, whatever. So visit the site, and whatever you do, don't forget to check out the "Training" and "Test" portions.

You can feel free to post your test result in the comments section. (My rating shown here is from a score of 74%. I totally could not identify the major cuts of beef.)

I don't mention it in the post, but we also ate dinner at a place that had a skull for a door.

Karen and I had a great time this weekend at the Kill Hannah show in Atlanta. We actually got to spend quite a bit of time with Dan, Karen's cousin who's a guitarist in the Chicago-based band.

In case you can't guess, that's the two of them in the picture...we went out for expensive beers before the show. I had something called a Black & White, which was Guinness over a Belgian White. Quite tasty.

I learned a few things about rock stardom from Dan. Let's see how much I can remember...

• That whole idea of recording artists starving because of pirated music? Yeah, that's bull. Despite having two major-label CDs, the members of Kill Hannah still do best off their merchandise and touring. (Dan wanted a link to this blog, so if you're reading this, Dan, feel free to correct any of these points.)

• Boob signing is still all the rage. I've never understood this phenomenon. It theoretically washes off pretty quick, and if you somehow ended up scoring with a rock star, would they really want to see their bandmates' names on your chest? Ugh. Sorry to get vaguely graphic. I should note the KH boys seemed quite uninterested in bedding their fans.

• Rock stars get sued a lot. I wasn't as shocked by this as by the fact that Dan often had to resolve the issues himself (and with the help of a lawyer friend of the band). Dan also has to do all the van driving. They drove two hours south to Florida after we left them around midnight Saturday.

• I asked Dan what would push his band to the next level. They're quite hugely popular, but they aren't yet on the same level as My Chemical Romance or these other bands that are equally or less talented. He said they need more radio time, backstage contests, etc., before shows. Even though they're doing well on satellite radio, the old-school stations still apparently make that big of a difference. Getting booked on SNL or Letterman would also be pretty big for them, too, he said. Makes sense.

• Kill Hannah does not have many fans in the 29-year-old demographic. This might explain why the only people older than us were A) Chaperones or B) Perverts.

• Every third person at a concert now records it via cell phone or whatever. Dan said he actually likes seeing all of their shows on YouTube because he can go back and see how he had played a certain song a few months back. Shockingly, it didn't take me long to find a video clip from the Atlanta show we were at. The sound stinks, but after the first minute or so, you get a really good view of Dan on the far right.

What, was the guy from "Inside The Actors Studio" busy that night?

Some of you might remember the low point in American journalism that was last year's White House Correspondents Association dinner.

It was a low point not because of what happened there — which was an incredible and biting monologue from Stephen Colbert — but because of the swooning, "Well I do DE-CLA-RUH!" response that many journalists had to the earnest ribbing of the president, who happened to be seated within IED blast radius of Colbert.

Well, just to show America that journalists haven't descended into complete irrelevance, the Correspondents Association this year has turned to one of today's most potent voices of cutting-edge satire: Rich Little.

Oh yeah, that Rich Little.

Listen, I love journalism. I hope you all know that. Setting aside my penchant for sarcasm, I truly do think it's a noble profession that asks much more of its professionals than it offers in return.

But I also think the industry is guided by people are just too damn scared. Scared of offending readers. Scared of offending public officials. Scared of partisan bloggers who are constantly looking for reasons to demonize the mainstream media.

Hey, I've been there. It's a tough balance. But being scared of offending the president? Give me a break. On a daily basis, the man is called a liar, a mass murderer, a racist, a zealot and a baffling ignoramus. I think he can handle lines like this from Colbert:

I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound -- with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world.

And Bush did handle it. The Correspondents Association president says his group got no negative feedback from the White House last year.

But journalists (and even my new peers in advertising) just haven't come around to the idea that it's a good thing when people are out debating these things loudly and passionately.

Here's a classic explanation from a fellow who I'm sure will lead the laugh track when Rich Little does his Milton Berle impersonation:

(Former Correspondents Association President Ron) Hutcheson also said that having a less-combative host might help the dinner return to its goal of giving reporters and politicians a fun evening together, without the controversy that has sometimes entered into the dinner. "My personal feeling is that this [the Little pick] is about ENOUGH" he said of the fallout from last year. "We don't need to have a blogfest and a partisan slugfest after the dinner. We don't need that."

So what we need is a cozy night of D.C. journalists and politicians, pretending to be social equals and putting aside that whole "watchdog" bullshit for a few hours? Sounds good. I think that'll definitely clear up this misconception that Beltway reporters are one matchbook and a marker away from being booty called by the political establishment.

UPDATE VIA ROMENESKO:

Impersonator Rich Little says White House Correspondents Association dinner organizers made it clear to him they don't want a repeat of last year's controversial appearance by Stephen Colbert. "They don't want anyone knocking the president. He's really over the coals right now, and he's worried about his legacy." Little promises to play it safe. "I won't even mention the word 'Iraq.'"

Sigh.

A message from...THE FUTURE!

Not to wax too futurist here, but this is a pretty great video clip about the next generation of how we'll interact with computers. It's long, but at the least, skip to the 7 minute mark to what it means for things like Google Earth.

Remember this post next time you have to drop the hammer on customer service.

A tremendously helpful piece on MSNBC today tackles how to get what you want from call-in customer service.

There are about 20 tips listed in the post, but the best one is this: The Web site GetHuman.com keeps a database of ways to get a human when you call customer service numbers.

I'm basically just posting it here so we can all find it easily next time one of us has to make a complaint call.

For the record, the best customer service I've experienced is probably Starbucks. They replaced a pricey grinder over the phone despite the fact I had never registered for the warranty (and I had broken it while cleaning it). I also sent them an e-mail about their beans being of decreasing quality, and they sent me a $20 gift card. Not bad. (But their beans are still ass compared to what you can get at a local roaster.)

I think I can fit a conference table in my workspace now. Maybe even a kitchenette.

A few quick updates to fulfill your blogging demands during a busy week:

• I've recorded my first history podcast with co-host Claypits Jackson (whom I think Blogger is now calling "Valerie," alas), and I'm mostly happy with the results. At 37 minutes without music or pauses, it's a bit long. But I think I can snip off a few minutes of banter. Still, it covers the first 6 million years of human history, so you have to cut me some slack.

We plan to knock out three or so episodes before pitching it to a potential host/sponsor/sugardaddy, so I'll keep you posted.

• I'm finishing my first-ever TV commercial this week. It's the mini-documentary piece I've been traveling around for lately, so I'm pretty excited. Still, it's going to be hard to cram all the good stuff we got into 30 seconds. Thank god for YouTube.

Because of all the work I'll be doing on that this week, don't expect too many posts.

• My cubicle has been re-assembled and now sports an extra foot of space between me and the wall. Sadly, a dozen people or so have stopped by to comment on what a big difference it made. Sigh.

Downside, upside.

So, my beloved cubicle was destroyed today to make way for new carpet.



But there was a great big upside to my suddenly nomadic lifestyle! I get to squat right next to Open Book!



And yes, that's officially the worst photo of me on the Internet. The neighbors here are great, but the natural light is not so plentiful. And before you go into mourning, yes, my cubicle will return in all its pre-manufactured glory once they get the garbage-floodwater-pee smell out of the flooring. I'm pretty sure I'm only responsible for one of the three.

Let us all point and snicker at each other's cinematic tastes.

There's been a dramatic dearth of comments in the Cafe lately, so I'm putting the onus soundly on you guys. I'm skipping town for a brief business trip, and when I return, I demand to see some feedback.

Here's your fodder:

Post the next five movies in your Netflix queue. Don't include the ones you currently have at home. Oh, and feel free to opine on my choices or those of your fellow commenters.

Don't have Netflix? Just list the next few movies you want to see.

Me:

1. Thank You for Smoking

2. Kiki's Delivery Service

3. LoudQUIETloud: A Film About the Pixies

4. Harakiri

5. Wordplay

BTW, the highest-rated DVDs in my queue are the first discs of Prison Break Season 1 and Dead Like Me Season 2, both tied at 4.5 stars. Lowest-rated is Superman Returns at 3 stars.

OK, your turn.

Gypsy jazz, gothy rock and banjo mojo.

• First off, The Hot Club of Huntsville lived up to all of friend Bill's hype. We went and saw them at a coffee shop Saturday night, and it was absolutely incredible.

The Hot Club is a four-man gypsy jazz ensemble that is sort of an homage to the Quintette du Hot Club de France, which most notably featured the best jazz guitarist of all time.

Hopefully we can arrange a group trip up to see one of their shows. It really is amazing that such a great band is based in my sleepy hometown.

• Second, all are invited to tag along to Atlanta on Jan. 20 for the Kill Hannah show. They're the brooding Chicago rockers famous among Asterians for including Karen's cousin Dan in the lineup. We'll be kidnapping Dan (pictured above) for dinner before the show, so don't miss this opportunity to see an honest-to-god rock star eat a spinach salad.

• The musical opportunities just keep coming in February, when banjo master Bela Fleck plays in Birmingham with jazz legend Chick Corea. I've been poking fun at Bela Fleck since he and The Flecktones came to Huntsville when I was in high school, but that doesn't change the fact that he really is fantastic. If you haven't heard his classical music via banjo, click here and listen to some samples.

I think that's about it for the musical wrapup. Anybody else got anything?

Great news for car lovers and Motown fans.

I've been working on new Mercedes materials for a while now, and we finally got our outdoor billboards up to replace the stale ones near the factory off I-59 here in central Alabama.

For the sake of disclosure, I must admit I didn't actually write the headline. It came out of days of brainstorming with the designer, who was hesitant to even mention it as an idea because he thought I would laugh at it. But I loved it, our boss loved it, and the client loved it. So there you go.

We have a few more boards going up at the plant, so I might post more.

Oh, and the point of the ad is that the local plant is now making three models, including the new flagship GL-Class. If you're not familiar with the Alabama Mercedes plant, it's been a huge catalyst for economic development since coming to the state about 10 years ago. We now have three major automakers in Alabama, literally contributing billions of dollars in economic impact.

More arts videos comin' atcha.

Here's the playlist of clips from my interview with realist painter Evan Wilson, an Alabama native now living in upstate New York. He's the state's featured artist for January, so my bio of him should be up soon at 800alabama.com/yoa/.

More notes below, but let's get on to the clips:



I just wanted to mention that, while everyone I've interviewed for this Year of the Arts project has been great, Evan was just awesome. It was one of the few interviews in my career where it really felt like a conversation instead of a one-way interrogation.

If you get a chance, check out his stuff on evanwilson.net. Here's a sample: