The rules of fame

Don't ask how, but I stumbled across this little bit of net sadness today. It's a fan forum for Morgan Webb, one of the hosts of the cable show X-Play. Karen and I have been addicted to the show for a while, but there are obviously people who are much more into it...or at least into Morgan, who is probably one of the few female geek icons out there.

If you read the first post on the link, you'll see about 742 rules for the forum (no racy pictures, no asking Morgan to marry you, etc). If these are the things already banned, it gives you a disturbing insight into the daily lives of even minor celebrities.

So just to get ahead of the curve, I've come up with my own rules for the future Griner fan forums that inevitably will arise:

1. NO pictures from Griner's poorly thought-out photo spread in SheepBreeder.
2. NO references to the Flying Lemurs show in Skokie that ended with Griner and Bill huddled in fear for their lives under the fifth wheel of a nearby semi.
3. NO quoting from Griner's college columns, like this.

And then, as if in return for giving it life, the beer repays us with the warmth of inebriation. With a tear in my eye, I pat the fermenter lovingly. "That'll do, beer."

4. NO posting Griner's picture from his college columns.
5. NO pointing out that Griner's first concert was M.C. Hammer.
6. NO pointing out that Darkie was right, and Griner should have snuck out of the house in high school to see that farewell-tour Dead Milkmen show in Huntsville.
7. NO use of direct quotes to show that Griner absolutely contradicts himself year to year on things like the newspaper industry, blogging or that Thrills album, which sounded really good at first but then got kinda boring but by then he had already told his friends about this great Thrills album. Yeah, no doing that.
8. NO talking about how much prettier his first wife was.
9. NO links to sound clips from Griner's "The future is DivX" speech.
10. NO references to his blog photo as "Homeless Griner Gets a Meal"
11. NO downer posts about wasted potential.
12. NO confusing Griner for a deceased phys ed professor, a highly regarded marathon runner, a boar hunter or a lawyer pioneering the use of "instant CDs." Griner feels a bit of personal shame when stacked against the people who, according to Google, share his name.
13. NO feet on the coffee table.
14. NO fifteenth rule.